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Astro Guide

Stoned Scorpios Love Sex, and Also Contemplating Death in Fetal Position

They'll only smoke people with people they trust or want to bang.

by Sophie Saint Thomas
Apr 16 2018, 5:26pm

We consulted astrologers on how each sign can get as high as the stars. Read about the other signs here.

Scorpios tend to do well with high CBD strains that chill them out and help them be present, since their dark and twisty brains get to them more than they’d like to admit. They are obsessed with death and are the sign of rebirth, so when Scorpios smoke too much, they’re likely to curl up in the fetal position and convince themselves they’ve died, rather than watch cartoons like a normal person.

Astrologer Lisa Stardust says that since water sign Scorpio loves salt water, they may enjoy a cannabis soda or some salty chocolate weed pretzels. When Scorpios find the right strain to match their intense personalities, these creatures can be magnetically to blaze with, and are thrilled to act as a bad influence and convince you to join them. They won’t smoke with just anyone, though—only people they trust or want to fuck.

Scorpios love sex, and tend to like it to be intense, so stoned sex is absolutely on the menu. They’re always the first ones to figure out that weed sprays like Foria will get them high if they eat it, and they love finding ways to put edible things near their erogenous zones to ensnare partners.

Scorpio people are very good at stoned sex, because weed enhances their psychic abilities and basically transforms them into horny mind—and body—readers. When Scorpios enjoy something, they tend to go all in, and weed is no exception. "If a Scorpio loves something, they really love something, to death. Pot is one of those things," horoscope writer Randon Rosenbohm says. Scorpios know how to keep a secret. "They can be stoned right in front of you, and you'd never know it, if they didn't want you to know."

Scorpios can also be loners who enjoy smoking before a solo masturbation night in. "A typical stoner night for me is ordering multiple pizzas surrounded by all my vibrators," says astrologer Caitlin McGarry, a Scorpio. While Scorpios may act like they are always on top of shit, they need to be careful about overindulging, as eating an entire weed cookie may stir up their intense emotions in a way that leaves them hiding behind a houseplant at a party, haunted by literally every mistake they’ve ever made.

Stoner Superlative: Most likely to get high and go through your phone

Best Strain: Northern Lights (euphoric indica)

Worst Strain: Super Sour Diesel (forceful sativa)

Best Way to Get High: Lick THC oil off a partner

Best High Activity: Have sex

Recommended Product: Foria Pleasure Spray