Jailhouse Rap

Today, Bert Burykill shares some of his songs with us. Oh, you didn't know our prison correspondent was also a rapper? Well, he is.

Today, Bert Burykill shares some of his songs with us. Oh, you didn’t know our prison correspondent was also a rapper? Well, he is.

“My Girth” was the first song I ever did and I had no idea what I was doing. I remember writing it in jail in ’06. It really is just me rapping about how badly I’ve mistreated my penis, or my girth, by always lockin’ him up in the pen, depriving him that sweet black pussy. I recorded it out on work release in ’08 and literally just spat it out in one breath, basically one take. I did so much freestyle rap all coked up and drunk in the streets, and bullshit ciphers in jail, that rappin’ on the mike was sleaze breezy easy, although I wish I could’ve mastered this song and really done it right. My dick deserves more respect. Chris Strange did all the music and production. He’s a beast.

“Dreamzzz of a Doormat” was actually a story before it was a rap. I tried to “doormat” a few broads while I was in jail. It’s really a horribly misogynistic song, but with a lotta truth in it. The average broad in a prison relationship dreams about an Ike and Tina life like that’s greener pastures. Chris Strange did all the music on this one, too, and similarly it was pretty much all one take. It was done too quickly and I think I sound like a douchebag on lots of it, but whatever. I’ll write up the “Dreams of a Doormat” story someday. I really used to fantasize about getting a fat grandma on my team… so sick.

“So Daam Bonerable” is about the same chick as the one from last week’s blog that I got locked up with for selling coke. We were a disaster and I didn’t really like her that much but I thought she was “so daam bonerable.” The pussy/throat/ass game had me hooked. It’s a timeless love song. Many a man out there knows a bonerabelle or two that have forever altered his life. This was the second song I did with C. Strange and it was all an accident really. I was rappin’ a verse to some other song and noises just startin’ happening and I started singin’, think we smoked some weed, and decided that this was somehow a song. My current beautiful girlfriend actually helped me realize how sexy this song is. She used to stroke her snatch to this.

I was super raw, and wanted nothing more than to make a money album, but this is the raw, organic slop we spat out every weekend for almost a year ‘til I got locked up again. I hope to work with C. Strange more but he’s in a kickass band called Wachichoo and he’s quite busy playing around the NYC area.


Previously – Where Love Goes to Die