We Spoke to Niagara’s Illegal Taxi Drivers About Uber, Drunk Kids, and Driving Criminals Home

Last week, Uber arrived in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and its surrounding municipalities. Being that my hometown is St. Catharines, Ontario, I've heard a lot of buzz from friends back home (OK, there's not a lot to do there). People are excited and for one good reason: They don't have to take shady illegal taxis anymore.

Like other places where the app-based cab service has landed, Uber was immediately recognized by the police as illegal under current taxi regulations, and the region hasn't proposed anything in terms of making the app legal. The Niagara Regional Police (NRP) are promising a $350 [$260 USD] fine for any car caught driving under Uber and police in the area already have a lot of experience in this realm. For a long time, the Niagara Region has long harbored another underground cab program: speedy cabs.

Speedies, as they're called by basically everyone who isn't a cop, are pretty much just people taking calls to pick up drunk kids from parties. To order a speedy, all you have to do is call the selected dispatch number, ask specifically for a "car" (they hate it when you call them cabs) at an address, and then hang up (conversation on speedy lines is pretty short and curt).

Twenty minutes later, an inconspicuous sedan will show up to shuttle you to any destination in the city for $8. You can also go to other cities for a slightly increased but still flat-rate fare. They won't charge you by mile like regular cabs do, which makes it convenient and likable for those under the influence of drugs or booze (who wants to fumble around for exact fare when fucked up?), or just for people who don't want have to risk the chance of having a cab fare end up higher than they bargained for.

With a few different dispatches in the city, each one employing up to a few dozen drivers at a time, competing speedy cab businesses run as "delivery services" to mask their illicit activity, which works fairly well considering it's hard for the police to chase down the various "delivery" cars in the city.

Now that Uber has arrived in the region, the concept of speedy cabs is becoming irrelevant. Most people would rather order a car from a glossy-looking app rather than a shady phone number, and the price point, which has often been the tipping point between speedies and regular cabs, is totally reasonable for most people. To see what illegal cab drivers think of the change and to hear about some of the ridiculous stories they've had driving around strangers, we spoke to three of them over the phone this weekend.

Names have been changed to protect the drivers' identities.

VICE: How long have you been driving speedy for?
Paul: About four years, basically right after I got my [full license].

Why'd you start?
Easy money, man. I took speedies going to parties all the time and was always kind of jealous of being able to drive around drunk people, take their money, and then cruise off to good tunes. Oh! And there's no taxes.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here: why not just drive a regular taxi?
Well, you have to get a special license for that and it's a big commitment, plus you just don't make as much money. You also don't have the freedom to do what you want, like you do in a speedy. I pay a buck to the company per ride and keep the rest, which is gonna fluctuate depending on where I'm driving them. Straight up, nobody takes regular cabs [in this city].

Fair enough. I've had some crazy speedy rides—both with fucked-up drivers and passengers. What's your experience driving been like?
A lot of kids from Brock [University], a lot of drunk high schoolers. They've never given me much of an issue. Actually, I've had a really good time with people. Like, I've pulled over and smoked with kids at three in the morning. People have given me tree as a tip.

So nothing wild?
I've had people puke in my car before and I had to throw them out. I had to almost run a guy over once because he tried to dip on a $80 tab because I drove him to Toronto and he wanted to, like, not pay for it or something. Well, actually, he told me he wanted to just pay me back later when he was back in the city. Really sketch guy, I should have known better picking him up. That's about it, though.

What do you mean you almost had to run a guy over? You literally tried to hit him with your car?
Yeah, I just wanted to bump him in the ass to get him to stop running. He gave up when I drove up beside him and honked really loud and long. A lot of people were looking and he was embarrassed.

Aren't you worried the police will nab you?
For driving speedy, I think most drivers are concerned about that sorta thing, but you just have to be smart about it. Don't let kids have [open alcohol] in the car, don't drive with anyone who wouldn't seem like they should be with a 22-year-old black guy. Just don't do dumb shit and try to avoid RIDE checks.

Who would qualify as somebody who would be out of place in your car?
Really old people, really young girls. Police are definitely racist here, they will stop you if they see you with somebody that they don't think you should be with. It's just how it is. My buddy got [ticketed] because of that.

Uber's now in Niagara. Are you going to be making the switch?
A lot of drivers are talking about it and I definitely want to. You make way more money and it's just much more convenient for people. No wasted group of frat kids is going to want to play around with a weird phone number when they can just press a few buttons on their phone and put it on their credit card.

What made you start driving?
I lost my job at Timmies. I really hated that shit. I liked the idea of driving and making money. It's actually not that bad.

Who is your general clientele?
You know the deal: college kids, people trying to get to work. The bus system in this region sucks shit, so basically anybody that doesn't have the patience or time to waste trying to get somewhere via transit.

How much money do you net each night?
On the weekdays, I just drive days, so not that much. People don't really go out that often or call as many cars on the weekday nights, so it's not worth the gas or the isolation in a cramped Volkswagen for eight hours. Weekends are always good, you can take home about $150-$200 if you really hustle. I get a lot of calls from dispatch because I'm quick and I don't mind picking up multiple people.

Tell me a good story. I know you must have tons.
I drove home a murderer once.

Really? How do you know they killed somebody?
Well, I picked him up from a party and he was clearly fucked up on something. I was driving him from Niagara Falls back to Thorold, plus he wanted to stop for McDonalds, so we were driving for a bit. He just kept saying, "Man, I'm so messed up," and I kind of joked with him about having a [rough night], but he kept just rambling about emotional stuff. It's kind of like he wanted me to ask him more. He ended up just saying, "Please don't tell anybody but I killed a guy, dude." I really didn't know what to say, but I like to think I can talk to a lot of different people so I asked him why and who it was. He wouldn't tell me who it was but he said they got into an argument over drugs. It was weird. It was while he was eating a Big Mac.

That's kind of fucked up. Did you tell anybody?
Yeah, I tell my friends and stuff all the time.

The police, though. Did you tell the police? I mean, this guy killed a dude. Allegedy.
No, no, no. He could have been talking out of his ass and he was really young so I just figured it'd be best if I didn't say anything. Plus I don't really want to get involved with all that, my job is illegal enough as it is. I'd have to tell them where I heard it, and then it'd all just kind of unravel onto me. Like, if something were to happen again with the guy I'd feel really bad but what am I supposed to say?

Did it deter you from continuing driving speedy?
I think I'm pretty desensitized to stuff like that. It was hard to drive people after I dropped him off but it kind of faded in a few days. I like to imagine I've probably driven much worse people.

You gonna start driving Uber now that it's in Niagara?
Not until what I'm doing slows down. I think a lot of people taking speedy have gotten comfortable with the flat rate, I don't see that changing. $8 anywhere in the city is a steal, bro!

So Uber came to Niagara last week and you're switching from driving speedy. Why?
It's way safer and just easier for me. I don't have to fuck around with kids who try to rip me off by telling me they don't have change or trying to run away from a fare or some shit. I don't need to fuck with that stuff anymore, been doing this way too long and it's too stressful. I drove Uber in Toronto for two weeks and it was absolute heaven.

You said it's safer. Have you felt threatened when driving before?
There are risks with driving illegally in that people can rob you and you can't do shit. I got held up by a girl and her boyfriend that I picked up out in the country and I couldn't tell anybody. They took all my money, my watch, my phone, everything. I had to take a cash store loan, sell a bunch of stuff, and borrow some money from my friends just so I could recoup my losses. Like, I need money to pay for gas, insurance, to break people's bills, a phone to pick up calls. All that kind of stuff. It's hard to do that when you're off the radar.

You're going to pay taxes on Uber though, no?
Well, yeah, but I'm older, y'know? I see this as my job now. I do this full-time so it's not about just trying to soak up tax-free money. I have to think smart with this stuff. It's about the future now. You'd be dumb to keep driving [illegally].

But Uber in itself is illegal. Niagara Police said they're dealing out huge fines for Uber drivers. Isn't this just trading one situation for another?
Uber is going to be legal. I follow what's happening in Toronto and out west. It's in a gray zone right now, but it's the thing people want and it's more union-like than driving speedy. You have a little bit of protection driving for an app. speedy is straight up criminal, there's no one there to call upon if you get stopped.

I actually miss speedy now that I live in Toronto. I had some great times getting driven home after a party in high school. Anything you think you'll miss?
Hell no. It was fun and thrilling for the first year. After that, it just gets old. People come and go, but the same problems as always. People trying to smoke in your car, trying to drink, trying to bring a bunch of drugs with them, trying to come in so drunk that they'll [throw up] in the passenger seat. No disrespect, but high school kiddies thankfully don't have credit cards to use on Uber.

Good thing I'm not in high school anymore. How do other drivers feel about Uber?
Some people are talking about making the jump, but there's a lot of stupid motherfuckers that think it's some kind of police sting or government plan. To be quite honest, I feel like a bit of a black sheep driving out here. There's a lot of misinformed and paranoid people driving [speedy] because they can't fit in anywhere else. A lot of people you probably shouldn't get in a car with. That's not to say everybody is, but there are just a lot of fuck-ups. Hopefully Uber phases that out.

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