Instant Offence - Olympics Special

Ahh, Olympics - the quadrennial festival of sports, scandal and anabolic steroids. We're looking forward to the sleepless nights, melodramatic network news coverage of Australian glory and of course, the sports. Having said this, the off field shenanigans are as much a part of the institution as the sports, and ever since Dawn Fraser taxed a Japanese flag at the 1964 Games, Australians have always had a soft spot for the off-field side of the world’s biggest show.

Opening Ceremony

Just to prove that Australian Olympic Committee members are not immune to the lures of the punt, Nick Green, Australia’s Chef de Mission, had to publicly announce he had made a decision on who would bear the flag for the Australian team at the Opening Ceremony, after betting website Centrebet saw a huge plunge on Aussie basketballer Lauren Jackson saw her backed in from $4.50 to $1.50 over a heady few hours.

Jackson was today officially named the flag bearer, however the delay hopefully means that some of the AOC’s top brass and industry insiders may have padded their online gambling accounts with some great insider trading. Meanwhile, we’re just mad we didn’t have cash on LJ at $4.50.

Meanwhile, this is what the US Olympic team will be wearing – once again proving that they are the world power with the most swagger.

The Australians weren't far off with these preppy numbers.

And this is what Spain will be wearing  thanks to an offer of free uniforms from a Russian designer. We'll just leave that image with you.

Athletics

Usain Bolt's form should be questioned after he apparently lost a pissed-up footrace to Mickey Rourke. Mickey has been in incredible shape his last few outings so it’s possible. It’s also possible the hard-living 59 year-old has just been racing random black guys after a few too many pints.

Swimming

Poor Leisel Jones has been the butt of jokes and a cause celebre for talking head commentators this week, as her larger figure has been questioned by certain members of the media. It’s her fourth Olympics, and if Lethal Leisel has decided to hit the pies a bit in the lead up, sports media should really have more important things to talk about than speculate virulently on the private lives of athletes… right?

Meanwhile, Australia's swim team gave Kobe Bryant some Speedos.

Marathon

Interestingly, the US might have bureaucracy-ed itself out of a medal. By delaying marathon runner Guor Marial's citizenship for *11 years* and counting, Marial will now compete in the Olympics as a refugee under the Olympic flag. His birth nation, South Sudan, does not have an Olympic committee so could not be represented at the Games.

For more Olympics - The VICE Guide to the Olympics