Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts That Won’t Get You Dumped

If you’re here, don’t worry. Perhaps you’re an amazing person, who, due to certain events, needs a last-minute Valentine’s Day present that won’t get you dumped. Perhaps you don't even need a gift for your beloved, but for a parent, aunt, or frenemy (in a platonic way, weirdo). Or maybe you’re a meh person who needs to expend just enough brain cells to ride out Cuffing Season. We tip our beanies to you all. Whatever your reason for V-Day gift sleuthing, know this: We’re approaching the final window for smashing that order button to get the goods on time, or to start looking for presents that require zero shipping.

The following V-Day gifts thrive at the time-sensitive intersection of thoughtful indulgences, and affordability; uniqueness, and wide appeal. Some are sensual, low-key, and boozy; others are environmentally minded, practical, and not-so-secretly self-serving (because a gift of sweet sheets for your boo is also a gift for you); and others yet are a little out there, for those of us who like the road less-traveled. Most importantly, they ooze of care that will last beyond Valentine’s Day, and save you from creating one of those handmade coupon books that should be prohibited beyond 6th grade (who TF wants to “redeem a hug”?). From our long-standing relationship people to the fresh love bugs, mosey on over. The ice gets much thicker here.

A new winter ‘fit

Gender is a construct, but if you’re in need of a Valentine’s Day gift that screams, “I am a Man™,” there are many lumbersexual gift options, including this Carhartt sweatshirt with retro graphics and a festive red beanie that will never go out of style. (The bros at the park will never know that he’s never hung a shelf in his life!!)

Fresh formal jawns

This idea is a gift for your boo and for you, because there’s nothing better than pulling up to a wedding or work event with a really well-dressed partner. Help your man elevate even the most basic black blazer (or cop him this one by Helmut Lang) with a rather romantic Stüssy button-up and a versatile chestnut-colored tie with an embroidered white heart.

The perfect gift for your situationship

Listen, if y’all are kind of serious, but also kind of not, just buy him one of these graphic lighters from Coming Soon. He never has to know you didn’t just scoop it at a gas station.

The TikTok-viral neck massager

The women of TikTok have spoken, and declared this flexible neck massager to be a gift from the heavens for anyone who strains their neck all day, loves massages, or just needs to carve out a little more time to relax. It also has a 4.4-star average rating on Amazon from a whopping 57,800 reviews, including one devotee who says, “My god, it's so amazing and I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP!”

Motivation to stay hydrated

Look, your lady contains multitudes, not unlike a glorious mille-feuille or Mommy’s lasagna. But if there’s one thing all girls like, it’s having multiple beverages/cups/drinking apparatuses around them at all times, and that should include this set of rose-shaped wine glasses.

‘Cause she’s the queen of multitasking

Have you ever seen a woman not be able to open something with her fingernails/mouth/astute life wisdom? They just have it all figured it out, man. That being said, a little help from this boosted Swiss Army knife will make her really happy when she has to file a nail and break into a bank before noon.

Just draw her a bubble bath

Steamy, lavender-scented bubble baths rock, and they slap especially hard during these frigid winter days. Dim the lights down low, and play some Kenny G (also a big bath fan, BTW) before you fill the tub.

A crazy sexy cool chef's knife

A big sharp knife… romantic? We dare say yes. It can be a turnoff watching your beloved trying to hack apart an onion with a blunt-ass IKEA number that they've had since college, but watching them slide through tomatoes like they're butter with this Misen chef’s knife in a romantic red hue? Wowza. Plus, according to Misen, it “combines the best features of both Western- and Japanese-style blades, making it excel at any cutting task or technique.”

All the beans you’ve yet to love

Much like art done by kids, it is (almost) impossible for coffee to suck. Sure, some will be technically better (queue up that old video of Marie Kondo teaching parents to part with their babies’ sub-par art), but it will always be Basically Great, which makes coffee a fail-proof V-Day gift. This artisanal subscription doesn’t toss you random beans, but takes note of all your Flavortown needs via an extensive questionnaire, and woos you with beans from the nation’s top roasters (and, in honor of V-Day, Trade will toss in an extra bag just for kicks).

Surf 'n' turf that will show up on your doorstep

There's that accurate but kind-of-gross-if-you-think-about-it saying that the best way to one's heart is through their stomach, and putting aside the mental butchery, it's true that if you wanna impress your date, you'd best figure out what they love to feast on. This set from Crowd Cow comes with two lobster tails and two tenderloin steaks for a lock 'n' load surf 'n' turf that will be so much better than Sizzler, have no wait for delivery, and go perfectly with some ice-cold martinis. 

This bottled Mediterranean summer, c. 1976 

We’ve already written (several) sonnets to this non-alcoholic apéritif, along with a smorg of the best non-alcoholic spirits out there, but Ghia gets an encore, because, look at it. The brand has bottled the pulse of the retro Amalfi Coast with a ‘spirit’ that reviewers say “reminded me a bit of Campari, but better!!!” and we sure do think it would pair well with this chic set of Manhattan cocktail glasses from Maison Balzac.

A tender tagine

Maybe your personal chef/long-standing situationship has been dying to start making their own tagines. This cast-iron and ceramic pot has a 4.8-star average rating from over 600 reviews on Amazon, and earned high marks from reviewers for its deep base and easy-to-clean design. As one cook writes, “Meats cook rapidly but stay so very moist and delicious, and there's no limit to what can be added.”

Crotchless panties (duh)

Buying lingerie is a tricky task, to say nothing of buying crotchless underwear, but that’s why Fleur Du Mal exists. The luxury brand’s crotchless Magnolia panty is made from stretch French lace, and it ships for free within the United States.

Black satin sheets because why the hell not?

Are they a joke? Not a joke? See your S.O.'s reaction, then play it off from there. Is there any other gift, ironic or otherwise, that is so very guaranteed to get you laid for just under $30? (We cannot guarantee you will not get dumped for giving these if your partner has a lousy sense of humor. But if that's the case, why are you dating them?) Plus, everyone under the age of 35 needs more sets of sheets.

Vibrating panties that your partner can control

That’s right, mate. They make vibrating undies now. Couple’s vibrators and long distance/app-controlled sex toys have really hit their stride in the past few years, and this 4.2-star average rated vibrator from Lovehoney is the perfect way for beginners and seasoned sex toy lovers alike to get in on the fun. Just slip the silicone toy in your boo’s underwear (ideally, this leopard print panty from the new Betsey Johnson x Parade collaboration, and adjust the vibrations while y’all do the dishes, your taxes, or while (finally) watching Oppenheimer. You can even choose to activate the vibrator by music, so dim the lights and pair it to some Barry White.

Body jewelry is versatile (and always horny)

Body jewelry can be the perfect gateway to full-blown leather daddy harness bliss, but it’s also a far more interesting gift than some Pandora heart earrings. Give your partner a crystal harness from the new Swarovski x SKIMS collaboration, or this simple yet elegant gold body harness from Agent Provacateur; she can wear both with a lace bra and a blazer on a night out, or with her birthday suit on a night in with you.

A bed restraint kit for some chill kink 

Again… please know your audience while choosing a gift such as this. But if your boo is interested in some light-as-a-feather BDSM, these restraints are the perfect intro to kink. You can also tuck them under your mattress so you don't accidentally leave out anything troubling for the next time your parents come to visit. 

If you’re a total bondage newcomer looking for something that feels a little more romantic, these silky bondage restraints are also perfect. They have a 4-star average rating on Amazon, and, as one reviewer/bondage novice writes, “Not only are they soft, but they're also strong enough to hold things in place.”

Put a ring on it

… A cock ring, specifically. This ring has a special attachment for extra clitoral stimulation, and a 4.7-star average rating on Amazon. As one reviewer wrote, “Once I got going, the wife pulled me closer just to grind, because she loved it as well!” Slide it onto a bottle of Whispering Angel, and you’re in business.

A sex toy subscription box

Checking the mail just became the best chore of the day. There are so many impressive sex toy subscription boxes out there, but this pleasure chest comes with loads upon hot, steamy loads of horny goodies (think, shibari rope and massage candles) and a sex toy each month.

A Jurassic Park bouquet 

This. This always works. But it works even better when your flowers say, “let’s make out in the wetlands” instead of “It's me, generic red roses. Again.” Urban Stems is a master at making bouquets that feel like they were rolled out of a French country estate, including many options under $100, and offers a very detailed delivery breakdown to make sure they arrive exactly when you need them to be in the hands of someone whom you might not love, but definitely want to impress. They’ll be just as beautiful when displayed dry, and come with the vase.  

A bathrobe worthy of a 1970s shag pad

You can never have too many house coats and bathrobes, but you never forget your first Missoni robe. Few have mastered the art of colorful, casual knitwear as well as the Italian brand, whose signature zig-zag pattern was a lightning rod of 1970s fashion. Cop this terry cloth robe to pamper your baby/make the feel like a rich, pampered European porn star.

Tricked-out slippers

Why not say, “I love you, but I love your toes more” with comfy house slippers? They’re an evergreen gift, so make sure you get them an extra special pair that speaks to their love of bread (to say nothing of the baguette pillow).

Personalized jewelry that isn’t corny

If you’re trying to shop for V-Day jewelry that dosn’t feel cringe or corny, we’ve curated an entire guide of the best affordable, luxurious looking brands. Catbird is at the top of the list for their delicate, sentimental designs, and because they offer next-day shipping for only $14 extra. You can’t go wrong with a classic locket, mate. Bonus points if you put a lock of your hair inside.

The gift of telepathic communication with their pet 

This is not a drill. For just $29.99, you can give your loved one the greatest gift of all: the skills to read their dog's (or cat's) mind. Yes, this is an actual online course (with a four-star rating!) offered by Udemy, and it's absolutely perfect for the animal-lover who spends every morning cooing at their French bulldog. In fact, since they'll know how to communicate telepathically, maybe they can stop tormenting us all with that baby voice. 

A virtual whiskey cocktail class

Is their bar cart is their happy place? Do citrus garnishes get them off? If your booze-obsessed boo needs a last-minute gift, consider this virtual DIY Whiskey Blends & Cocktails class from Uncommon Goods. For the cost of a crisp Benjamin, your partner will receive an aesthetic whiskey making kit and a two-hour virtual class about the history of whiskey, how to craft whiskey blends, and how to make three iconic whiskey cocktails.

Personalized erotica

You and the missus could be reclining on a (faux) bear skin rug, uncorking a bottle of bubbly, and gearing up to read a personalized piece of erotica from this Etsy bard, who can turn around a spicy tale in just three to five days.

Personal tidings from Kenny G

Kenny G is a die-hard romantic, no question about it. And while you might not be able to foot the bill for a private concert from the saxy legend, you can receive a personalized video from him courtesy of Cameo to blow your partner’s mind and set the mood. Sync the video to the big screen (your Fire TV), sprinkle some rose petals around living room, and enjoy.

Happy V-Day, lazy lovers.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.