Sex

Women Explain What Takes Them from DTF to WTF

Negging will get you nowhere.
Lia Kantrowitz
illustrated by Lia Kantrowitz
May 12, 2017, 6:55pm
Image by Lia Kantrowitz for VICE

Sexual attraction is a beautiful, curious thing—strong as an ox but fragile as an egg. After the switch is turned, it can be hard to shut off. On the other hand, it can disappear in an instant after the person you're feeling does, says, or even wears something so insanely egregious you simply can't shake it. We women have all been there—totally into a guy or gal, see some potential for sacking down with them, and then notice something we can't get past. Like... He's got a long-ass pinkie nail. Nope! She's an asshole to the waiter. Bye! They just boasted of drinking absinthe. Toodles!

We suppose things can be nonstarters for men too, but for our purposes here, we're going to focus on the ladies. We rounded up several and asked about the things in their past that killed any romantic or sexual potential dead its tracks.

Not So Grande

"This happened just the other night at a bar. I talked to this guy all night; we were getting along very well. And just before we were about to head out, he starts quoting lyrics from Ariana Grande songs. He loves Ariana Grande! Made a big thing of it. Insisted I listen to a couple of 'deep cuts' from her on his phone right there. I just couldn't. I don't even particularly dislike Ariana Grande, but the fact that he was so into her was an instant no I couldn't get past." —Alicia, 26

No Negging

"I can't stand when guys insult me as a flirting tactic, guys who call women 'females,' or guys who are overly negative and complain a lot. These behaviors literally make me gag." —Alix, 33

Traffic Stop

"Honestly, I am pretty accepting when it comes to little things, but there is one trait that is a huge dealbreaker for me: I absolutely cannot date someone who gets easily riled and/or frustrated by typical pitfalls of driving—standstill traffic, making a wrong turn, getting lost. Anyone who becomes enraged by traffic or a simple missed exit has a deeper temper problem. Like, if you can't just chill out and enjoy the radio and the scenery, what else is going to make you unnecessarily enraged? I hate it and I refuse to tolerate it." —Joanna, 30

Hey Nah

"I'd been flirting around with this guy for a while. He was a musician. I asked him to tell me when his next gig was, and he told me he played a few nights a week at a bar. I went, and he and his band were pretty good—bluegrass-y kinda country stuff. Then, out of nowhere, he started playing acoustic versions of rap and R&B songs. He did R. Kelly's 'Ignition' remix. There was a cover of Outkast's 'Hey Ya!' He kept making eye contact with me while he played these, and you could tell he thought it was so adorable and clever, but god damn was it goofy. My attraction instantly died as I imagined him making the same smirk on his face in bed he had when he sang "Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!" —Tess, 28

It's in His Kiss

"I'm usually pretty down to clown with most gentlemen, but the number one thing that will keep my panties on is bad kissing. Guys who are in their 20s and still don't know how to kiss have no excuse. Usually, it's too much slobber, or their tongue is too stabby and aggressive. Other times he just puts his mouth on top of my whole mouth, like he's doing interpretive dance of two blobfishes trying to mate. It's gross. Just stop. Educate yourself, sirs." —Taylor, 24

Park It

"I was very flirty with this girl, and things were going great, and then she mentioned she worked for the Philadelphia Parking Authority (PPA). Anyone who knows anything about the PPA knows it's the absolute motherfucking worst. I told her as much (we were both pretty smashed at this point), and she started going on about rules and signs, and how it's people's own fault if they can't read a simple 'No Parking' sign or get back to their car before their meter runs out. I'd just gotten a bogus parking ticket the day before, which is why it came up, and so this triggered more rage in me than it should have. I went from wanting to fuck her to saying "Fuck her!' in the span of two minutes. She may as well have worked for Goldman Sachs or something. If you justify your evil job, I'm out." —Leah, 29

IQ Test

"I detest when a guy assumes he's much, much smarter than me. It's beyond mansplaining, really, because it's a whole attitude beyond just one instance of explanation. I wish I could punch that attitude in the goddamn face, because it drives me up a wall. There's nothing worse than watching a dude assert his manliness by feeling superior to a woman." —__Nina, 26

Again, NO NEGGING

"It's a serious bonerkiller when dudes attempt any of those insulting tricks taught by pickup artists. Don't neg me, bro. And there's no need to demonstrate your value toward me because you will never isolate the target... you prick. I watched that VH1 show starring Mystery last decade, too, you boneheads. I'm on to your ruse." —Jo Anna, 32

Duh

"Any man whose thoughts on reproductive rights are anything other than, 'all people must be able to choose what to do with his/her/their own body' does not deserve to have sex or human companionship." —Jaime, 32

Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.

Advertisement