Food by VICE

This Week in Food Porn: Scones and Steak

Your weekly food photo blitz is read to fork: here are the most edible pics uploaded to Instagram in the past seven days.

by Nell Frizzell
Feb 20 2016, 11:00am

Photo via Flickr user Whitney

Ah, February—as heady as Medusa and just as unpleasant. With the world turning at a rate of knots and the news rolling at a rate of riots, who has the time to scroll endlessly through a hyper-composed buffet bar of food pics?

You guys need to outsource that shit. To me. Et voila, your weekly food photo blitz is read to fork.

Decisions, decisions. #Willpower #FoodPorn #dessert

A photo posted by Brandmajian (@brandmajian) on

People who put cake in their Twitter bios are right up there with people who use "gin o'clock" as a time reference and post "funny" coffee shop blackboards on Instagram. People who bake cake, on the other hand, have my full support.

A bowl of veg is a bowl of veg, is a bowl of veg. Until, that is, it becomes a Microsoft Paint pie chart of human happiness. Until it becomes a bowel of veg. Until it becomes a spring in your step.

Today's #pearcafefrittata is Carrot, sesame, potato, cheddar, cumin and parsley

A photo posted by Elly Curshen (@ellypear) on

The art of frittata/doesn't get harder/whether lunch or a starter/you simply go heart her.

I have a problem A photo posted by Rosie Birkett(@rosiefoodie) on

"The heroin from my last hit is fading away and the suppositories have yet to melt ... Renton unfolds the silver foil to reveal … a Tunnocks." So goes a lost extract from Irvine Welsh's 1993 novel Trainspotting. According to some sources, the scene was lost after Welsh tried to fax the page over to his publisher on the back of a lightly used Typhoo teabag.

Not enough dishes take a philosophical quandary as their starting point. Personally, I would love to chow down on a tree fallen in an empty wood or a possibly-existent box of cat. Good on you, Gizzi.

That reminds me—I meant to create a life-sized facsimile of Rodin's "The Thinker" entirely out of crustaceans and batter. Thank GOD nobody beat me to it.

Alright, Nigel. We've all smoked banana skins, put on The Doors, and leant back on a purple beanbag to stare at our mate's wicked Magic Eye painting of Jupiter. No need to get all pickled and creamed about it.

Shanghai steamed dumplings, savoury, soupy, stunning #AWong A photo posted by Allan Jenkins (@allanjenkins21) on

If ever I pack up my bag, throw my belongings over a stick, and stroll to the horizon to seek my fortune, I hope to God my little parcels of fortune runneth over with pearl-like fish eggs, just like jewels.

Cover me in jam and throw me to the inevitable cultural stereotypes. A scone is a twice-loved thing. Once fruitily, and again with cream.

A portrait of the artist kissing her boyfriend after an entire pizza, bottle of wine, and a Freddo.