It was roughly six decades ago that a plumber named Steve Henson was working in the wilds of Alaska and came upon the idea of mixing sour cream with buttermilk and a whole bunch of delicious, herby shit, a creation which he dubbed "Ranch dressing." He went on to become a dressing tycoon, and his company tried to reinvent this creamy wheel over and over, making it taste like pizza and tacos and whatever the hell else the kids were eating those days. Sriracha Ranch? You'd better believe it.
But real-deal Ranch can't be forced. Just ask Courtney McBroom of Large Marge, who stopped by the MUNCHIES Garden a little while back to gather some herbs for her very own version.
"Ranch is the bastard child of salad dressing," says Courtney. "Everyone hates on it, but I don't understand why. I truly believe that if someone hates on it, it's because they think it's trashy, but I have never met a single person that was every pissed off when I served Ranch dressing at a dinner party."
Her version is much like Henson's original. All you need is some dairy, some mayo, and whatever fresh herbs you have on hand. Her secret is just a dash of fish sauce for that umami oomph.
Serve it on salad, as a dip, on your lover's abdomen, or straight from the spoon into your mouth. Drizzle it on your pizza; dip your quesadilla in it. There's no shame in this game.