FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Sports

"The Man Who Passes the Sentence Should Swing the Sword": Your "Game of Thrones" Recap

In this week of Game of Thrones it's all about revenge, murder, and some weird sex stuff. And A-Rod, natch.

Man, oh man, what an episode. When we last left the show, A-Rod saved a man's life with a bases loaded walk. It was an incredible moment, but as we soon learned, merely the beginning. Last night began with the little girl I don't really like, but if I'm being honest it's probably due to some latent sexism on my part that I should deal with, who is looking to avenge the deaths of her family. She's got some rites of passage to go through, like impressing that cool dude [unspellable name, but you know the cool dude I'm talking about] who's face always changes. So while she does that, we see that the brother and sister who banged each other to the tune of a few kids are now worried about one of their daughters. The Brotherdad, a valiant soldier who has only one arm, vows to go find her which is extremely heroic. Is it because that's what any honorable man would do, or is he doing it because it's his lovechild with his sister? Does it matter? Is it weird if it doesn't matter? All things to learn while playing the game they call Thrones.

Advertisement

We also meet up with the giant knight lady, who is trying to find the little girl and her sister and pledge her services, loyalty, and ultimately, life as she promised to their now dead mother. As luck would have it, they find the vengeful little girl's sister in some medieval pub/inn, but it doesn't go well. She's with that asshole CIA agent from Dark Knight Rises who tries to scare Bane in the beginning of the film, and plays a different sort of asshole in this show, and he's wheeling and dealing and poisoning her brain, so she tells the giant knight lady to beat it. There's a big fight and horse chase but the good guys make it out alive, resolved to continue their quest to save the girls.

While all this is going on, the creepy yet sort of (??) kind and smart bald guy and the little person (who is brother to the sibling sexers) are traveling to find the true leader of the Game of Thronesiverse. Creepy guy is pumping the little guy up as a valued counselor for his preferred leader: the Dragon Lady. Which is just the perfect segue to the Dragon Lady's part of the story. One of her conquered citizens murdered one of her soldiers and she is left to deal with the fallout. Then, one of the slaves she freed murders the murderer to try to get on her good side, but is that truly justice? Eye for an eye? Only when doled out by the Dragon Lady, so she has him killed. And then, after a frantic mob scene, the dragon lady is safe outside her private balcony thinking about how crazy it was she had some dude's head chopped off and she hears something strange and—BOOM A-Rod with the double.

I can't even imagine a better way to end this episode. All the themes and all the little budding plotlines all come together in this one spectacular moment where Alex Rodriguez not only gets the runner on first into scoring position, but himself as well. If I had one criticism it would be the CGI used for the grass at Tropicana Field. It is utter garbage. Other than that, this episode was nearly as flawless as Alex Rodriguez's swing.

There's plenty to unpack here, but the most important thing this episode did was establish an interesting parallel at the outset. Baseball tried to do A-Rod dirty—like the family of the sibling sexers did the vengeful little girl's father—when they suspended him for a year, effectively [SPOILER] lopping off his head, but Alex has more in common with Ted Williams than a sweet stroke. He came back better than ever, effectively reattaching his cryogenically preserved head, and has been mashing balls like Hodor mashes thoughts into one word ever since. Alex Rodriguez has made it through his sentence, he's passed it if you will, and now he is swinging his sword with a vengeance. And that's the name of the game they call Thrones.