Durex has given out the largest number of condoms ever to the world's fittest and finest. It all seems a bit unfair. Olympians get to have safe sex with other physically superlative people. What about you? Who gets the gold medal in making you wanna...
Durex has apparently given out the largest number of condoms ever in the history of the world to the frisky athletes who are currently staying in the romantic environs of the Olympic Village, Stratford. So the world's fittest and finest are getting down and dirty in the Olympic Park. It all seems a bit unfair. They got to go to Boylefest and they get to have safe sex with the fittest people on Earth. What about the rest of us? Given the chance what type of Olympic athlete would you sleep with?
VICE: What type of Olympic athlete would you most like to sleep with?
Lynne, 50, Olympics worker: None.
Why not, Lynne?
What about Tom Daley? He’s nice.
No. He’s too young for me.
I do admire him, but I wouldn’t sleep with him.
Is that because you’re an official Olympics worker and you don’t want to mix business with pleasure?
Well, yes. I have to help people find where they are going. I don’t have the time to sleep with all these people.
You’re doing a really good job.
I am taking it very seriously. Do you need any information from me?
No, I’ve got all I need, thank you!
John, 34, salesman: Any of the women’s volleyball team.
There's more than one team.
The beach volleyball team. The Brazilian team.
Because they might wear thong bikinis?
I hope so. I’ll watch and see.
Do you think they’d sleep with you?
Yeah... Actually, no.
Tommy, 23, civil engineer: There’s a lot to be fair. I’d have any of them.
Even the weightlifters?
Michael, 25, civil engineer: No! No, no, no! Nooooooo! They look like men.
Tommy: Never have sex with someone that could kill you.
Michael: The gymnasts are all pretty fit.
Aren’t a lot of the gymnasts really young?
Tommy: How young?
I don’t know, like 12?
I’d still rather have sex with a gymnast.
Tim, 22, software developer: [Very long pause] Oh gosh, I don’t know.
There’s so many to choose from.
The whole team?!
Oh, OK, I suppose a gymnast?
A lot of people like gymnasts. If you were to buck the trend, would you sleep with a weightlifter, for instance?
Oh gosh, well the thing about weightlifters is that they’re rather butch. I don’t like too many muscles on a lady.
What about on men. Do they suit men?
Oh yes, they’re fine on a man.
Previously – You Just Self-Immolated, What Was It Over?