New Yorkers have some pretty sick death fantasies. Personally, I'd like to be trampled by turtles.
There have been some really fucked-up deaths in the last few weeks. First off, there was that naked guy who ate someone's face, then there was that guy who disemboweled himself and flung his innards at a policeman, and let's not forget the French porn actor who dismembered his lover and distributed the body parts through the mail. None of these instances of murder would be my ideal way of dying (mine would involve being trampled by turtles) but then again, everyone has their own opinion about what's the best way to go—especially New Yorkers.
VICE: How would you want to die?
Amber (left): You know, last year one of my friends died because she was in Africa and got off the trail of her exploring group, and she was chased by a heard of wild baboons. The baboons attacked her, and they found parts of her a few days later.
It was sad, of course. But, I kept thinking, "God, if there were any way that she would want to die, that way is so badass." She died like a badass, going down doing what she loved and I'll always think that if I had to lose her, it's better than her getting hit by a bus or dying in a car accident.
Molly (right): Stung in the middle of a chest by a stingray.
Amber: I thought about it in Hawaii, I was there last year and I had to cliff dive and jump off boats into the water. I was scared at first but then I realized that if I was going to die, that'd be a pretty awesome way. "Suck it, God! I'm in Hawaii. What do you want with me?!"
How would you want to die?
Ian (left): Quick.
Do you know the setting or when?
I just want to die the fastest way possible in a very comfortable bed, probably asleep.
What about you?
Monica (middle): Sleeping?
How about you, have you thoughts about this?
Carolina (right) : I actually have never thought about it. Dying quickly sounds good... But I'm not sure that thinking about dying when you're still alive is something I need to do.
Christina (right): I won't die. That's my answer.
Melissa (left): That's a morbid question.
It is a morbid question, but what if you could choose? Like, go out with a bang or go out quietly?
I want to die on my bike.
I want to get hit by a truck or a bus, doing what I love and then, BANG! No more me.
So you'd want to really die, if you had the option.
I'd want to get into an accident where I didn't have to live, like, with no arms or legs. I'd just want it to be over when it happened. I mean, you have to die, so why not just go head-on?
Erica (left): Shot in the head.
Shot in the head?
Better than drowning or being burned.
Very Kurt Cobain.
That's appropriate, I'm a child of the 90s.
Garrett (right): I don't know, jump off something high? You can see it coming, and you'll have a nice view as you go down.
Some people die while they're falling off things. Their brains shut down out of fear.
Oh, really? Well I'll bring a gun to shoot myself in the head in case I start freaking out.
Teddy: You know what? I'm not answering that.
OK! That's fine.
It's awful, that people do that. And just think about it, their families have to deal with it. It's selfish. And what if you were the person to find them?
I wasn't really talking about suicide. One girl said her friend was chased by baboons, and she said, if she could choose, she'd die on an adventure.
Oh. Why did you come up and talk to me, anyway? Did I look like someone it'd be OK to make fun of?
You looked interesting. And I'm asking a lot of people the same question. I didn't mean to bother you.
It's horrible, what those people do to their families. That's my feeling on it.
Marie (left): When I'm sleeping next to my cat. And I want my cat with me. I want my cat to die with me.
Like an Egyptian Pharaoh?
James (right): You want your cats to die with you?
Marie: I'm selfish!
James: Uh. I'd probably die instantly somehow or jump off a cliff.
I've heard too many people say they want to die asleep, or jump off a cliff. I think you two can be a little more original than that.
Well, how many people are going to say, "Over the course of five years from a terrible infection?"
No, but think of a good way of going out, a way that people would remember you by.
James: I guess you'd rather have it be an interesting story than something that people would think was sort of a normal way of dying.
Marie: Shot six times while eating the face of another person!
James: Cutting yourself open and flinging your guts at a cop!
Previously - Why Do You Love America?