Is Monogamy the Best We Can Do?

Wouldn't it be better to just have sex with more people, all of the time?

Welcome to our new column, Question of the Day. It gives interns something to do!

3, 2, Kody Brown, 4, 2

That one family from Utah who had that show on TV are kicking off a debate about anti-bigamy laws. The father, Kody Brown, has four wives and 17 kids and belongs to something called the Apostolic United Brethren Church. Only one of his wives is hot, too, so you are kind of left thinking "Why are you doing this? All of your wives added together barely scrape past a ten."

Nevertheless, we still think polygamy could really offer a beautiful alternative to the way most of us do love, so we asked people: Is monogamy the best we can do?

VICE: How many wives do you wanna have when you grow up?
Um… one. 

What? Only one?
The ideal marriage for me would be one.

Definitely one? Don't you think there’d be drawbacks?
Yeah, there’d be repercussions for sure. That’d cause problems. But from my perspective as a young person who hasn’t gotten into any really kinky shit yet, I just don’t think you can be with more than one person at once.

Some polygamous people keep collecting wives into their later years and end up with a few who are younger than their children. What do you think of that?
Yeah. It’s weird. My dad tried to OK a girlfriend with me recently and she was my age! It was way too weird. It’s just irritating when older guys steal away girls of your age.

VICE: Hey, ladies—is monogamy the best we can do?
Girl on right:
It depends on what you think you can do to other people. You can really hurt people.

How many different husbands would you like to have, in an ideal world?
Girl on left:
I like having a lot of different boyfriends. But I wouldn’t have more than one husband.

So you don’t think you can properly love more than one person?
Girl on left:
That hasn’t happened to me, but I think it’s definitely obtainable.

What do you think is the maximum number of spouses someone can have and still make it work? One for each day of the week?
Girl on the left:
Ha! Like the king in ancient China! I don’t know. I personally can’t make love to like... a LOT of people in a week. But if someone reckons they can deal with one a day, then why not have that.

VICE: Would you ever have more than one wife?
My parents have a really good marriage and have always taught me that’s the way to do it. I think that’s helped shaped me into the person I am. A lot of kids' parents are divorced due to polygamy...

I didn't realize there were so many orphans of polygamy running around.
Yeah. I think it can really fuck kids up on a personal level.

VICE: Is monogamy the best we can do?
No, I don’t think it is.

How many wives would you have, in an ideal world?
Errr... [long pause] one? I just couldn’t deal with the nagging.

So you wouldn’t go for one wife for every day of the week?
Well, maybe if I could get away with it. I don’t know. I just think it would be too much hassle. 

Really? What if they all knew and were cool with it? And they all lived under one roof in your super mansion?
I still think I’d just stick to one. I’ve got a couple of Muslim mates with three wives and I just don’t think I could hack that.

Previously: What Would You Think I Meant if I Told You I Just Boofed a Roll?