Apparently, New Yorkers are a bunch of scared pussies.
Here at VICE, we see people do crazy shit all the time—like create a secret piss dungeon inside of a chain pub or go into battle without any pants on. But, despite all the wild stuff we've seen over the years, the whole face-eating thing that happened back in May really threw us for a loop. How you respond to seeing some twisted shit like that shows a lot about your character, especially if you try and join in on the feeding frenzy. We weren't exactly sure what'd we do if we caught a guy having a bum's mug for brunch, so we asked some random New Yorkers how they'd react. It turns out the Big Apple is full of tattle-tells and scaredy cats.
VICE: What would you do if you saw someone eating another guy's face?
Jerod: Probably call the police?
If I could stop it from happening in a safe way and not get my face eaten, I would. I might try to help by throwing something at him from a distance.
Erica(right): Would I have a gun?
Would you want to have a gun?
No. I don't want to have a gun.
Miranda (left): You're getting way too involved in this hypothetical question.
Erica: Well, I've had several instances where I've had to deal with weird situations kind of like that. I used to do homeless outreach in the subway systems. I think the first thing that I would do is get on the phone and call 911. Then I'd try to psyche myself up to commit some form of intervention that probably wouldn't work.
Miranda: Honestly? Knowing myself, I would probably assume that it was some sort of stunt. I would hope that as soon as I realized that it was not a joke, I would call the police. But, knowing myself, I would probably not intervene.
Walter: That's disgusting.
But would you try to intervene?
Try to pull the guy off.
Don't you think that would be dangerous?
Probably, but I wouldn't care.
Zoey: What are you going to ask me?
If you saw someone's face getting eaten off like the—
OH! Bath salts?!?
Yes! What would your first reaction be?
You wouldn't do anything to stop it, you'd just puke?
No, I wouldn't try to stop him myself. I'd just call the police while vomiting.
Ria(Left): Call the police. Call anyone.
Bethany (Right): Yeah, I'd probably call the police. There's not much you can do with someone like that.
Ria: Yeah. If we were together, with the dogs, maybe we could actually do something.
Good answer. Just use your dogs.
Yeah. Silas would take care of it. Look at him, he's ready for something like that.
Amanda (Right): If I saw some guy eating some other guy's face? I'd probably just scream. My first reaction would be like, "Holy shit, what the fuck should I do?! What is that?"
Would you try to stop it?
Oh no. Hell no! I don't want that zombie shit all over me! If I saw some guy eating somebody else's face, I'd get the hell out of there and run.
Monica (Center): I would call the police. And I would say to the face-eater, "This is crazy. Please stop."
Would that really work?
From a distance. I'd call attention to it so that no one else would get their faces eaten off. I'd basically, scream bloody murder.
Peter (Right): I'd call the cops, but I wouldn't go in and be like, "Stop eating that guy's face, please."
Nina: I would look away, first. Then I'd probably throw up.
You wouldn't try to get help?
I would, probably. But I don't know. What if I was in shock? I really can't say what I'd do until I was in that circumstance. All the adrenaline, fear, and shock can do funny things to your body.
You have no idea what you'd do?
I might just turn into a monster myself or run away and pretend I never saw it.
That's a really honest answer.
Johnny(Left): Call the cops.
That'd be your first reaction?
Yeah, I mean you can't get involved unless you also want to get bitten. What about you?
Whin (Right): Yes, call the cops.
John: This is not a situation where you can ask a lot of questions, you know? I mean, if you have a bat on you, then you should just grab the bat and fucking smash the person's head in.
That's what you would do?
I probably wouldn't go in with my fists because obviously that guy has some kind of super-human drug trip going on. You should call the cops or try to distract him as soon as possible—but bath salts? I mean, come on! Where do bath salts even come into this? Who knew they had hallucinogenic effects?
Well, now they're saying the original cannibal was just high on weed.
Weed doesn't do that. That's them trying to group weed into the dangerous drug category. Weed doesn't make you violent.
Previously - What Did You Want to Be When You Grew Up?