An Incredibly Horny Dolphin Is Terrorizing Swimmers at a French Beach

Going to the beach can be a pretty dangerous endeavor, what with the very real threat of getting stabbed by a beach umbrella or attacked by some parasitic butt worms. But now some beachgoers in France have yet another thing to worry about—an incredibly lonely and horny dolphin who’s been terrorizing innocent tourists at a local bay.

The sea creature has been frolicking near the shore at France’s Bay of Brest this summer, taking folks for rides on his fin, until he started to get a little too friendly, Ouest-France reports. For weeks now, the dolphin, nicknamed Zafar, has been reportedly trying to rub himself up against tourists, dry-humping kayaks, and blocking swimmers from getting to shore with “his pink penis about twenty centimeters often erect,” Le Télégramme reports.

“The solitary dolphin is looking for company,” Sammy Hassani told Ouest-France. “He will rub against the hulls of boats or humans while he is in heat.”

Zafar has become such a lust-fueled nightmare that the local mayor had to ban people from swimming any time he’s in the water, and warned them to stay at least 150 feet away from him unless they want to risk getting hurt—or being accidentally cast in an impromptu Shape of Water reenactment.

“I took this decree to preserve the safety of people,” Landévennec mayor Roger Lars told Ouest-France . “Many bathers were very frightened. He even raised a bather last Thursday with his nose.”

Experts told the Telegraph that Zafar is a potential threat to beachgoers, a titillated, terrifying aggressor who could do some serious damage with his flippers if he felt threatened. So now unfortunately it looks like you can add “extremely horny dolphins” to the already very long list of ways summer can kill you.

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