If you drove past the flashing police lights surrounding a single-vehicle car crash in Corbett, Oregon, you’ll be glad to know that there were no casualt—OH GOD A BURRITO HAS BEEN INJURED WHERE ARE THE HELICOPTERS WHY IS EVERYONE STILL STANDING HERE?!
As reported by KOMO News, the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Department was called to the scene of a crash, reportedly caused by the driver’s dinner. “The 20 y/o driver of this vehicle was distracted while eating a burrito and ended up down the side of Corbett Hill Road,” the Department tweeted. “Driver did not sustain any injuries... the burrito was the only casualty.” The Multnomah County PD also added the hashtags #DistractedDriving and #DontEatAndDrive.
“Thoughts and prayers for the burrito,” one commenter responded, while someone with a default Twitter photo harrumphed “Millennial.”
Although we mourn the loss of any burrito, at least this one didn’t suffer. That can’t be said for a burrito that was senselessly sacrificed during a road-rage incident in Florida. In June 2015, Lake County Sheriff’s Deputy Thomas Jones Thompson turned on a siren and pointed a gun at Charles Christopher and his wife, Sarah Nelson Newcomb, accusing them of running two stop signs. The couple ignored Thompson—who was driving his personal vehicle at the time—and continued driving.
Thompson got increasingly aggressive as he followed them, shouting and swerving toward their vehicle. Christopher did the only thing he could think of in the heat of that moment: he threw a just-purchased Taco Bell burrito at Thompson’s car. According to the Orlando Sentinel, Thompson was arrested on charges including aggravated assault with a firearm and improper exhibition of a firearm, and suspended from the police force.
Meanwhile, back in Multnomah County, we hope the young driver is recovering from his or her brush with tragedy. We’re sorry for your loss.