This article was originally published on Noisey UK
You know what's fun? Glastonbury. Glastonbury is fun. That’s the point isn't it? To escape from the monotonous reality of working life and the crumbling detritus of an EU-less Britain in order to cram as much fun into five solid days as possible. And, for most of us, it really is the most fun you can have. You get to eat pizza pockets for breakfast, drugs for dinner, and the regular rules of day-to-day existence are thrown out the window in favour of face paint, in-depth conversations with strangers, and singing loudly with absolutely no shame.
Saying that, by the time Glastonbury reaches Sunday night, the fun can start to wane a little. All your socks are crusted in mud, you haven’t had a shit in five days, that pill you took on Saturday night wore off a long time ago and now you feel shaky and sad, and your only pair of jeans have old chips crushed onto them because you sat on someone’s dinner. “Yaaaaaay” you croak, with a face like a cracked plate.
This year’s Glastonbury was no different, and as Saturday night rolled into Sunday morning, which rolled into Sunday evening, I could feel the amorphous force of fun begin to slip away from my grip, like a fish I had just caught trying to wriggle its way back into the ocean. Where is the fun? I thought, staring a passing group of crusty-lipped teenagers in tie-dye shorts and ponchos. Where can I find it? What has become of the fun?
Coldplay were playing their headline set, but I decided that the fun could not be found in a crowd of 100,000 hot faces slurring the words to “Fix You.” There was surely only one place where girls like me would be having ENDLESS FUN at 9.30 PM on the Sunday night at Glastonbury: Cyndi Lauper’s set, on the acoustic stage. Cyndi Lauper, the pink-haired funster who sang “Girl’s Just Want to Have Fun” in 1983 and is still singing it three decades later. Cyndi Lauper, the indisputable queen of fun.
As I strode across the mud to the acoustic stage with a fresh dose of invigoration, I couldn’t help but feel the warm flutter of excitement as I imagined all the fun that would be happening in that tent. All the girls that want to have fun, united under one roof with their common goal (fun), singing along to Cyndi Lauper, who would be singing back to them, and who also wants to have fun. And so, I reached the tent, peaked within, and stepped inside, bracing myself for all the fun I was about to bare witness to.
Hi! How much fun are you having?
Immense amounts of fun! Gargantuous buckets of fun. I can’t even describe the levels of fun I am experiencing right now!
Do girls really have the most fun?
Yeah they absolutely do! I would never doubt that for a second!
Even when they're working?
Who cares if I'm working!
Do you think you’re fun?
Do you think I’m fun?
Yeah! You’re a fun person too! [Points at photographer.] But not as much as us two because we’re chatting, having a laugh, we could even have a dance later. What’s more fun than dancing? Yeah!
Not a lot. Thanks for having fun with me.
No thank YOU for having fun with me!
Hey you on the right! How much fun are you having?
Quite a bit, I suppose.
What’s more fun than this moment right now though? Not much, I’d imagine!
I don’t know about that.
Are you having more fun than your other half?
Did you come here with fun as your goal?
Yes. Can you let us watch Cyndi Lauper now?
Yeah, sure. Have fun!
Hi girls! How much fun are you having?
Spectacular darling! It’s great isn’t it! This is the only place to be! Just look at me!
Are you living breathing proof that girls just want to have fun?
Yeah look at us! Of course! Woohoo!
Have you snapchatted your fun though? To show other people what fun looks like?
Why would we do that? We’re having too much fun!
Yeah fair enough. Waheeey!
Hi girls! Are you having fun down there?!
How much fun though?
Eight out of 10, I would say.
Do you think this is the most fun you’ve ever had?
Well it’s better than Coldplay, isn’t it?
Yeah but is it the most fun you’ve ever, ever had?
I’m not really sure.
What moment has been more fun than this?
Friday night, I think. I can’t remember Friday night. Must have been fun.
Hey! Are you having fun?
Is this one of the most fun moments of your entire life?
Is me asking you how much fun you’re having rapidly diminishing your fun?
What do you mean?
Does measuring your own fun make it feel forced?
Hi Jim, I like your pink wig. Is it fun?
Yeah I’m having a great time, and it is partly because of the wig.
How much fun are you having?
I reckon it’s in my top ten fun.
Wow, I feel honoured to be witnessing such a peak moment of your lifetime!
Yeah, and I’m 35 so there’s been a lot of fun to choose from.
Do you think this is more fun than watching Coldplay?
I think anyone that’s not here right now watching Cyndi Lauper doesn’t deserve to mention the word “fun” ever, ever again.
What’s not fun?
Not watching Cyndi Lauper.
Hey! Are you having fun?
No. I hate Glastonbury. I absolutely hate every single moment of it. The mud, the crowds, the loudness.
Oh! Why aren’t you somewhere else? Somewhere more fun?
I am just sorting the reusable cups.
Hey! How much more fun are you having than usual?
That’s really high. Or do you just not usually have as much fun as right now?
I don’t usually measure it.
If fun was a person, what would she look like?
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