The Noisey Guide to Unlocking the Swag (Via Rae Sremmurd)

Earlier this week, Rae Sremmurd released their debut record SremmLife. It’s an album that, in a word, slaps. If you want a really close look at this group and why they’re interesting and weird and pushing hip-hop forward, head over to our extensive profile, “Becoming Rae Sremmurd.” But if you want to truly appreciate Rae Sremmurd, you must first learn to unlock your swag, as the song “Unlock the Swag” so boldly suggests. Ask yourself, what do you want your swag to do for you? Do you want it to grant you financial freedom? What about freedom from society's expectations? Whatever you choose to do with all that swag is up to you, but you must first access it. Fortunately, it’s possible. Let Yesion (that’s Noisey backwards) and Rae Sremmurd help you unlock your swag with this helpful guide to the four areas of swag, and then let your swag work for you. Unlock the swag. The swag, unlock.

The first rule of unlocking the swag is that it’s important to be cool, and there’s no better way to prove you’re cool, especially in Rae Sremmurd’s world, than being the life of the party. You need to turn the fuck up. But how do you turn up and also manage to be sweet instead of just being the person passed out in the corner? Take Rae Sremmurd’s words to heart:

On What to Do Right Now:
“Shots, shots, now let’s fuckin’ party”

On Local Bylaws Surrounding Alcohol:
“I've been sippin' on Patrón and wine / I'm just tryna have a good fuckin' time / I was chillin' with the open container”

On Killing Someone’s Vibe and Wasting So Much Time:
“Killin’ someone’s vibe should be a fuckin’ crime / wasting so much time should be a fuckin’ crime”

On Getting High Responsibly:
“Get so high, gotta run it by NASA”

On Your Reputation:
“Say you do this every night / you gotta prove it to me / say you ‘bout that life / you gotta prove it to me”

On the Best Way to Exterminate Haters:
“Hi, bye hater, I flood the club with paper”

You can unlock any kind of door if you have enough money and prestige, and swag is no exception. But how do you achieve that kind of status and wealth? Let Rae Sremmurd show you:

On the Importance of Role Models:
“ATM go nuts, I do what I want / I say what I want, I grew up on Pac”

On Prioritizing:
“Damn, gon' call my phone askin', "Can we start over?" / She interruptin' me, countin' my money, I had to start over”

On Establishing Quarterly Goals and Tracking KPIs:
“Forbes list, Forbes list, Forbes list, Forbes, read it like the Bible”

On the Element of Surprise:
“Pull up on your ass unannounced in a foreign / I don't know where I'm going”

On How to Fly Successfully:
“Good smoke, good vibes, it’s the good life / Somehow I got the sack past security”

On Urgency:
“I need bottes here on the double / I need bitches here on the double / I need condoms here on the double”

On Having Sound Documentation of Your Financial Assets:
“Used to be a nigga want 20-inch rims / Now we got accountants out here for Rae Sremm”

On Whether or Not One Should Accept the Pickle Juice:
“Just pour up the Ace, that cheap shit makes me sick”

On Generosity:
“I even let your bitch keep the gold bottle”

On the Paradox of Choice:
“She said what’s your type / I said I like what I like”

Whether you’re rocking the perfect alphet or curating the perfect Tumblr feed, your look and your artistic influences are half of your image. There is no swag without good taste. What should you enjoy, other than repeat listens of SremmLife the album? Let Rae Sremmurd be your vision board:

On the Best Fast and Furious Movie:
“Tokyo drift through the hills!”

On the Art of Televised Situational Comedy:
“Steve Urkel have a young nigga geeked”

On Not Letting Social Media Run Your IRL Life:
“Motherfuckers worry 'bout likes on they pictures / They ain't got a single dollar, or a nickel / They ain't even got a penny, for the strippers”

On the Institution of Monarchy:
“All these fucking rings I’m shining like a fucking king”

On Proper Long Haul Trucking Attire:
“Wear my hat to the front / Like I drive a truck”

On Whether Your Guide to Unlocking the Swag Could Possibly Match Theirs:
“Keep your two cents / Take your own advice”

At the end of the day, unlocking the swag all comes down to how other people perceive you: It’s about having friends around and showing that people want you. It’s about making people want you. You have to unlock relationships, and then you can unlock more swag. How do you win friends and influence people and get laid? Allow Rae Sremmurd to be your wingmen:

On the Importance of Fostering a Multicultural Environment:
“I can point at different bitches, and I bet they all from different places”

On Proper Manners:
“No keys to crank this Mercedes / I ball like Tracy McGrady / Before that girl says anything / She gotta say please (Say please)”

On Elitist Detachment:
“I'm towerin' in the clouds lookin' down at you clowns / I been up here for a motherfuckin' minute”

On Mutually Assured Destruction:
“The ho never shoulda chose me / And I shoulda never chose her”

On Effective Communication Skills:
“I showed them bitches / Better than I ever coulda told them bitches”

On Plotting a Political Coup or Revolution in Secrecy:
“You gettin' on my nerves with them questions / Girl you know I'm tryna start a little movement”

On the Future of America:
“Safe sex, no babies / everybody get wasted”