In this weekly roundup, we take stock of what musicians were wearing and sharing on Instagram.
All of the feels. ALL OF THE FUCKING FEELS. If you haven’t seen the film ATL—okay that’s dumb, because you obviously have. But anyway, an ATL 2 is coming? That’s marvelous news, especially since T.I.’s acting has gotten marginally better over the years. I can’t even tell you how I’ve been calling Lauren London “New-New” forever. It’s weird how she has a kid with Lil Wayne though. Then again, who doesn’t at this point? #SuperSperm
I have a few things to say about this photo of Suge Knight that Game posted (in between shirtless pics of himself at the gym). First off, is Suge Knight a complete idiot or a total genius? I can’t really call it. All I know is that he’s trolling the entire courtroom with his senior citizen solar Locs and his stick. The prison uniform seals the deal. He’s totally that guy who shows up to the People’s Court in a neck brace because he pulled a muscle reaching for cereal at the supermarket, and now he wants to sue. Only this time he killed someone with his car.
And here we have Mario Batali standing outside of his fine establishment Eataly. Jk Jk we love you, Bronsolino! Sidebar, when are we getting some chain restaurants from Action Bronson? He should open his own version of like, In-N-Out, only the burgers have shaved truffles on them. Not truffle butter though. Barf.
Wesley is out here looking like the saddest stripper extra on the set of that Magic Mike sequel. He’s like, “Guys I’ll show you my pecs, but my hands must be covered at ALL TIMES.”
Whoa! Jimmy upgraded his wheels since he left Degrassi!
Every time I try to like Taylor Swift, she pulls some fuck shit like this. It’s a plastic flamingo, Taylor. Why are you staring at it like someone handed you an elephantitis-infected testicle? Her expressions piss me off. I don’t care. Come at me, Swifties. I got the Bey Hive on my side.
This is reason #480697 why Azealia Banks is awesome. She’s sitting at the airport with her Tina Fey glasses, Louis Vuitton luggage and a crucifix around her neck like she’s headed to Antioch, looking all calm and God-fearing, and then five minutes from now she can flip the fuck out and call in a bomb threat. Love.
Is it wrong to think that this is exactly what Adam Levine would look like if you turned him inside out?
Something something Steven Tyler gets all the pussy. Something something there’s a pussy even bigger than Steven Tyler.
Friend of yours, Rihanna? Ever since Ri performed “Four Five Seconds” at the Grammy’s this year looking all bohemian and stripped down, it feels like she’s Plain Janeing us all now. I’m gonna need her to slip a nip soon and stop hanging out on Sesame Street. Tell Leo to slip a nip, too.
I’m usually an advocate of Miley Cyrus’ photoshopped Instagram photos, but this one is fucking scary. It looks like Ellen with a chinstrap. This is proof that Miley really looks nothing like her dad.
There are few things more entertaining nowadays than a shirtless picture of French Montana. But miss me with that Laguna Beach-ass caption about hating and gossip. Why does he sound like LC just found out Heidi Montag was hanging with Kristin Cavallari? Just post those half-naked pics, French Fry. No caption needed.
Is it wrong that Calvin Harris’ music sounds so much better now that we know he’s hot? Like, David Guetta can’t ever have music that sounds this good because his shirt has to stay on. Just sayin.
Sometimes it’s weird seeing Rick Ross getting slimmer, but kudos to him, man. Also, he probably got paid like $50,000 to post with a bottle of Fiji. Better than Lean though.
Now kith…Kathy Iandoli is on Twitter.
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