Shave Dat Nappy Thang!!

Shave dat Nappy Thang!! #3
Director: Cool Breeze G.
Heatwave Entertainment

I've detested body hair for as long as I can remember. I believe it might stem from the fact that when all my friends were growing beards and moustaches in high school my face was still completely bald. Or maybe it began when I read in an interview with a porn dude that a shaved or groomed pubic area adds three inches to the length of your cock on camera. So you know I was shaving the shit out of my balls after I read that. When you ain't got much more than three inches you get real excited when you learn there's a simple way to double it. But it didn't take long before I became obsessed. I'd shave my pubes and then I'd shave my armpits and my head and anything else that had hair on it. And it wasn't just my own body hair that sickened me but anyone else's. I remember one time I brought this girl home and when I took her pants off I uncovered the thickest tuft of black, thick Italian muff hair. I think I let out a shriek. I told her that either the hair goes or she goes. Five minutes later I had the Weed Whacker out and she was on her way to being shaven bald. I've since mellowed out a bit.

Super Quick
Beau Damacus
Kick Ass Pictures

I used to be the biggest comic book fan growing up. I'd avoid playing outside to read comics under a blanket with a flashlight in my room. When I did go outside, it was to ride ten miles to the comic book store, then right back to my house. As much as I loved comics, I was not a geek. I didn't wear shirts with Wolverine on them and I didn't name my dog Krypto. Luckily for me, I'm a handsome motherfucker and chicks dig me, so when I started getting wet dreams they were over Bo Derek and not She-Hulk. After that, you can be sure that every penny of every waking minute was spent on the pursuit of ass. Despite growing up and moving out, I got very excited when my buddy Mark Kulkis, owner of Kick Ass, decided to make a super-hero porno. Now I could see my boyhood love come together with my manhood love, like Super Quick who is, well, super quick like the Flash. So when he's boning a chick or catching head the video plays in fast forward. Not only is there droll shit like that, there are two stunning girls, Gauge and Kurious, who take it in the ass and make this video worth it, even if you were never a fan of Ka-zar or Blue Beetle.

Midget Mania
Jim Powers
Metropolis Entertainment

Ok, I'm just going to tell you what the back of the box says: "Twigget the Midget takes on Zazie and her 350 lbs of fat. Tremble as a midget referee is crushed under the combined weight of two 350 lb fat ladies. See Niko Soprano, who weighs only 25 pounds play a gargoyle who fucks the 6'6" Trinity. Watch in intense fascination as gigantic titted ebony queen Siera arrives at midget beach and gets the boning of her life from a couple of pygmy lifeguards."
Need I say more?