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The Bible Needs More Sex Scenes

By most estimates, the Bible is the most popular book of all time. A sprawling epic, it has been translated into every language spoken since Jesus was crucified and has changed countless lives.

By most estimates, the Bible is the most popular book of all time. A sprawling epic, it has been translated into every language spoken since Jesus was crucified and has changed countless lives. But does it need more fucking? That’s the question posited by Matthew Stillman, a 40-year-old self-proclaimed “Upper West Side Jew” who modified the book of Genesis in the King James version of the Bible to include more sexy bits.

That’s not to say that his self-published book, titled Genesis Deflowered, is a XXX porn parody of the Bible. A passage describing Adam and Eve getting down to business reads:
“And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed as they showed each to the other the firmness of their lands, and the wetness of their seas. They supped upon each other as if for foods. And the LORD God watched the sea swallow the land; and he saw that it was good.”

Matthew says the chaste language reflects the style of the King James version, which he has always adored. “It would never ever say, ‘Adam bent Eve over a table and fucked her wet pussy,’” he told me. “Part of the conceit of the book’s idea was to meet the sexual imagery and storytelling on the Bible’s terms.”

His inspiration was an erotic retelling of the time God put a baby in Mary that he found while surfing around Amazon. “I read the free selection of it and it was just awful, just embarrassing on all levels, terribly written and sloppy,” he said. “But it had almost 30 reviews and the responses to it were essentially, ‘This turned me on and made me love Jesus more.’” Matthew figured he could write better biblical erotica than that and came out with his version of Genesis in August.

He’s received a bunch of attention since then, both positive and negative. After appearing on an online Fox News show to discuss his work, he got a bunch of hate emails and tweets. “Stuff like, ‘It’s a good thing I’m a Christian, because I’d come and get you,’” he told me. “Low-grade threats.”

More seriously, Matthew’s brownstone in Harlem was vandalized in late September by a hater who scrawled blasphemy on his front steps. He called the cops but seems pretty unconcerned about the incident.

“I think that was [the vandal’s] one angry thing,” he said. “Nothing’s happened since.”

Spray-can critics aside, Genesis Deflowered has gotten rave reviews from many Christians, according to Matthew. “I’ve had some naughty Catholics say, ‘This is really sexy because it doesn’t say anything,’” he said. “I had a nun who said that she thought it was incredibly beautiful and incredibly touching and made her look at the place of desire and faith in her life in a new way… I had a Jesuit priest who was gay but celibate cry to me and say, ‘I wish I had this book when I was young.’”

Book cover courtesy of Matthew Stillman

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Thank You 

Unaccompanied Minors

Twitter Selves