This week, California arrested a pervert who runs a revenge porn site, a rich kid killed four people and walked away with probation, and a judge sentenced a French businessman to four years in prison for selling defective breast implants.
California Attorney General Kamala Harris announced the arrest of Kevin Christopher Bollaert. Image via.
You know how back in the day we could walk into a big-box retail store and buy a few sweatshirts with ease, because we didn't know about the evils of sweatshop labors? Those were glorious days of ignorant bliss, but thanks to Netflix documentaries, our days as happy-go-lucky consumers are over—and now whether you like it or now, the same informed decision-making process has made its way into our sweat soaked computer chairs. We can no longer visit revenge porn sites and convince ourselves we're watching actresses who wanted to be photographed, because we all know that's bullshit. For example, this week, California Attorney General Kamala Harris announcement the arrest of Kevin Christopher Bollaert, the 27-year-old founder of the revenge porn site ugotposted.com, because his site existed to extort young women out of money. In other words, if you're one of those assholes who emails photos of your ex-girlfriend to a shady website because she broke your poor, little heart, you're an asshole. By the way, if you're visiting these sites with this knowledge, you're a dick too. Have some dignity with your spank material, people!
At the heart of medicine is a pile of money. Image via.
There are many people to blame for breast implant horror stories: men who can't control themselves around a big pair of boobies, women who believe the size of their mammaries correlates to their personal worth, and doctors who say they're participating in a billion-dollar industry to boost women's self-esteem as if they're working pro bono. (Fill in your own pro boner joke here.) This week, a French judge gave Jean-Claude Mas, the founder of PIP, a company that produced implants, his comeuppance and sentenced him to four years in prison for selling defective implants.
Prison, where poor people are sent to rot. Image via.
Right when we think Texas can't get liberals' genital garments in a bigger bundle, Texas goes and does this. Some backstory: Over the summer, 16-year-old Ethan Couch stole two cases of beer, downed a decent amount of them, drove 70 miles an hour (30 miles over the speed limit), and then ran into a broken-down car on the side of the road, creating a collision that killed four people. At the crash site, Ethan had a BAC of 0.24 (three times the legal limit) and had some Valium in his system. The prosecution asked to send Ethan behind bars for 20 years, but the judge sentenced him to ten years of probation instead. Yes, that's right. Ethan won't serve a single day behind bars. Why? Because the defense's psychologist, Dr. G. Dick Miller, claimed Ethan was too rich. His parents gave him too much freedom and didn't punish him when police found him in a parked pick-up truck with a passed-out, undressed 14-year-old girl last year. He was so used to getting away with everything, he couldn't have been expected to not drink and drive and kill people. It should be noted that in the same week, a 13-year-old boy in Louisiana, who killed his sister while practicing his wrestling moves, was sentenced to three years in a juvenile facility. The big difference? The 13-year-old wasn't deemed wealthy enough to commit a crime.
A map of every pothead's new favorite tourist destination. Image via.
Let's end with a little good news. This week, Uruguay became the first country in the world to completely legalize the planting and selling of marijuana. The law goes into effect on April 11. (Why they wouldn't wait another ten days is beyond me.) However, this might not happen if the UN continues to harsh our mellow by claiming Uruguay is breaking international drug laws. Luckily for us, the UN has little legitimate power. See you in Uruguay!