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Here Are the Inevitable 'Sexy' White Claw Halloween Costumes

Go as a 12-pack with your 11 thottiest friends.

by Jelisa Castrodale
Oct 8 2019, 9:53pm

Photo: John Loo/ Composite by VICE Staff

Yandy.com, a website that primarily specializes in impractical underwear, has leaned hard into Halloween for the past couple of years. If your witch costume involves a crotchless body stocking, or you need a set of pasties that look like a skeleton is cupping your tits, then get ready to mash that Add to Cart button. The site currently stocks more than 1,000 costumes, including Sexy Pennywise, Sexy Tariff (?!?), and something it calls the "Tater Thot." When it released its Sexy Beyond Burger ensemble last month, VICE joked that Yandy didn't sell a sexy Popeyes chicken sandwich costume, or a sexy can of White Claw... yet.

We should've known better than to express that doubt. Yandy has added something it calls the "Hard Outlaw costume" to its October offerings, because (un)fortunately, that White Claw shortage doesn't extend to nylon-spandex knockoffs.

"Who's up for a day party? Lay down the law of liquid refreshments," the costume description reads. "Be the sweetest seltzer on the shelf and sip away your Saturday in this thirst-quenching exclusive Hard Outlaw costume featuring a stretch crop top with an OUTLAW, PARTY HARD screen print, long fitted sleeves, high waisted shorts with #DARTY printed in black on the rear, flattering high cut sides, and a cheeky cut back."

No, it doesn't say White Claw, but everyone should understand the concept. (What they might not understand is why you've chosen to go without pants at the end of October.) The costume retails for $54.95, a price that doesn't include the neon fishnet stockings that it suggests you wear to differentiate your 'flavor' from the four other #DARTY-assed women who just rolled into the same party.

The only customer who has reviewed the Hard Outlaw costume (as of this writing) wasn't impressed, giving it two stars out of four. "Top fits tight looks good but bottoms no matter pulled up tight or loose looks like a diaper and has extra slack in the crack," they wrote.

If you still need to rep your 5% ABV obsession, but don't want slack in the crack, a website called 247TeeShirt has a wide range of White Claw logo costumes, including tank dresses, T-shirt dresses, T-shirt T-shirts, and hoodies. They also have a slightly lower price point, with tees starting at $19.95.

We're gonna try this one more time: Unfortunately, there's no Sexy Popeye's Chicken Sandwich costume—at least not yet.