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Kobe Bryant Roasts Jalen Rose for 81-Point Game

In a new commercial, Kobe and Jalen exchange death glares after Bryant asks for 81 olives in his martini.

by Sean Newell
Jun 5 2017, 5:44pm

Screecap via @JordanHeckFF/ESPN

Jalen Rose was set to star in a new comedy series called Jalen vs. Everybody and it appears the first commercial for the show appeared this morning during an episode of First Take. The show, which sounded like it was going to be a sort of Hangin' with Mr. Cooper meets Curb Your Enthusiasm, was reportedly passed over by ABC. Maybe they didn't see the commercial with Kobe.

For context, on January 22, 2006, Kobe Bryant put up 81 points against the Toronto Raptors, for the second highest scoring performance in NBA history, to Wilt Chamberlain's 100-point game in 1962. Jalen Rose was a member of those Toronto Raptors and was tasked with guarding Bryant for much of the game. Rose, who is clearly a good sport about it at this point, previously said he "got a healthy 19" scored against him.

To promote the show, then, they made a commercial where Rose runs into Kobe at a restaurant and is most displeased with having to interact with him. A waiter stops by Kobe's table to take his drink order, and Kobe asks for a vodka martini. Then we get Kobe at his psychotic best.

Waiter: "How many olives would you like?"

Kobe: [Musing] "81."

Jalen: [1,000 mile stare]

Kobe: [firmly inside the dark muse cage]

Jalen: [10,000 mile stare]

Kobe: [displaying exactly zero traits of being a human]

Waiter: "Really?"

Kobe: [momentarily feigning humanity] Nah, man I'm just playing. Just two. Joke for him. He gets it.

I don't think Kobe was at any point acting during this commercial.

h/t Silver Screen and Roll