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Identity

The Queer Woman's Guide to Strap-On Blow Jobs

And some answers for those who don't get why you'd wanna suck off silicone.

by Anna Pulley
Jun 4 2018, 8:47pm

Image by Visual Spectrum via Stocksy. 

The “faux job” or strap-on blow job—that is, the art of performing fellatio on someone wearing a dildo—is often associated with queer women, although all kinds of people do it. (Specifically, many trans men and gender-nonconforming people use strap ons in all kinds of ways, but we've got another How to Sex guide about that coming soon.) And it’s one of those sex acts that tend to confound people. What is the appeal of deep-throating silicone? Don’t queer women become queer women to get away from dealing with phalluses? Can the wearer feel anything? Is the act too heteronormative? Or, on the contrary, is it the most subversive, gender mindfuck you can have?

Well, gather 'round.

First off, where did the name “faux job” come from and should we even use it?

The origin of the term is a mystery, though I personally first heard “faux job” in Allison Moon’s delightful and informative 2015 book, Girl Sex 101. It’s in a chapter by guest writer Tina Horn, aptly titled “Gender Fuck Cock Suck.” Urban Dictionary also has an entry for faux jobs, but the queer definition is, like, fourth down on the list.

Although it can be useful for distinction, the cheeky rhyming name doesn’t appeal to everyone—especially since the term “faux” implies that there’s something inauthentic about the sex act. As Moon told me, “There’s nothing ‘fake’ about oral sex between enthusiastic partners! I don’t use the term ‘faux job’ myself. I just call it what it is—a blow job!”

Like most things related to sex and gender, rules for using the term can be pretty fluid. “Labeling the act mostly depends on how the person wielding the cock identifies with it,” says Sassy*, a steward for Girl Pile, the Bay Area’s popular all-girl orgy. “If it’s a role play scene, and we're going for realistic, it’s definitely a blow job. If it’s an SM scene and we're going for something that easily facilitates forced choking/being submissive/dropping to your knees, it’s less about the cock and more about the power play (and choking).”

In the end, what you call it is irrelevant—as long as you and your partner are getting off. To paraphrase Shakespeare, who was no BJ slouch, “A blow by any other name would smell as sweet.”

But why would you want to suck a dildo?

1. The way it looks.

The visual appeal is a big one. Seeing your partner down on their knees? Yes. The hollowed cheeks and inviting O-shape of the mouth? Yes and yes. The spit and salt and (sometimes) tears that come from taking your partner all the way into your throat? YES.

2. The way it feels.

Though the dick itself may be silicone (or cyberskin or glass or what-have-you), that doesn’t mean it can’t feel good. The base of the dildo often nestles up against the wearer’s genitals, which provides pressure and stimulation, along with the nice imagery. For extra sensation, dick-wielders might consider a one-strap (a thong harness), which runs pleasantly down the middle of one’s genitals. Moon notes, “Some people enjoy feeling the base of the dildo right on their clits. Others prefer to position it over their mound for extra cushion.” As all bodies are different, different harnesses or materials may feel better to you. Don’t be afraid to experiment.

There are also dildos that vibrate at the base, offering extra sensation, and let’s not forget that a faux job leaves both hands free to stimulate your or your partner’s genitals! This is why you read all those productivity listicles about multitasking, right?

3. The way it alters your perception.

Faux jobs engage that oft-ignored sex organ: the mind. For people who identify with having a penis, the act can be both affirming and arousing—for obvious reasons. But strap-on play doesn't have to mean you want a penis. For some queer women, strap-on BJs just elicit a hot power exchange that gives them ownership over sex acts normally reserved for cis men. I also know plenty of women in hetero partnerships who strap it on and let their boyfriends experience for themselves why the word “job” is in the title. It’s fun to play with gender and perception and expectation.

Speaking of power, faux jobs can be rough—with lots of face-fucking, hair pulling, and head gripping—or tender, or anything in between. And that power can go both ways. Giving a BJ doesn’t automatically mean you’re “submissive.” After all, when you have someone’s pleasure in your literal teeth, who’s really in charge?

Wait, does liking faux jobs make me a “bad” queer?

No, no, no. There are no inherently “bad” sex acts—except the ones that make you or your partner feel shitty. (Avoid those!) If you enjoy sucking dick or getting sucked, that does not compromise your identity, politics, or feminism.

As Horn urges in Girl Sex 101, “reinvent the cock, whether you’re trans, cis, or otherwise. Take the phallus back from the patriarchy.”

Sassy agrees. “This is not about penis envy. Fuck Freud. Seriously, it’s not. Stop assuming cocks are the same for dykes and cis-dudes. They are super not.”

Safety and other tips for strap-on blow jobs!

“In the grand spectrum of very safe to less safe sexual activities, oral sex on a dildo is strongly on the side of ‘very safe,’” says Moon, who notes that sharing the dildo or taking turns is the only STI concern. “This risk can be mitigated by washing the dildo between uses or switching out a condom between orifices.”

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A more likely ailment may be caused by the dildos themselves. Because silicone and other materials tend to be a bit rougher on the throat tissues, givers may experience some mild discomfort, irritation, or tenderness afterward. Moon suggests dual-density dildos, which have a “pliable outer surface, feel similar to flesh cocks, and can be easier on the throat and jaw.” Sassy recommends having hot lemon and honey at the ready for post-BJ aftercare.

Both also endorse lots of eye contact. "Remember that this cock will never soften up or change size—you'll have to get your arousal cues from other signals," Sassy cautions.

*Last name was omitted for privacy.