Music by VICE

Canadian Police Will Force You to Listen to Nickelback If You Drink and Drive

“We figure if you are foolish enough to get behind the wheel after drinking then a little Chad Kroeger and the boys is the perfect gift for you.”

by Alex Robert Ross
Nov 29 2016, 11:20pm

There are very few things that I consider to be absolutes in this world. Humans are intricate, odd beings, able to hold many concepts and ideals in their minds at one time; it's what provides us with some hope as a species, if there is any left. I believe in few things that are Good without Badness or Bad without any Goodness.

However, I tend to make two exceptions:

1) Drinking and driving is selfish and awful.
2) Nickelback are bad at music.

Are these controversial beliefs? Of course not. They are widely-held views that many of my sisters and brothers in the world share with me. I do not think these to be radical. They are fundamental pillars of humankind.

But never did I expect the police in Kensington, Prince Edward Island , Canada to enforce such values concurrently.  In a Facebook post over the weekend, Kensington Police service announced that drink-driving would be punishable by forced exposure to Nickelback. 

Read their reasoning:

The trouble with this, of course, is that these two entirely Bad things, when combined, must logically produce a Good thing, devoid of Bad in and of itself.

I now expect demand for Uber drivers in the Kensington area to rise.

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