Where Are They Now?

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I know I suck at creating pseudonyms for people. Although the Weediquette characters may seem cartoonish, they're all real people. That said, I recognize I don't always portray people accurately—when I discuss someone in a story, I simplify a person into a character. There’s a lot more to these awesome people, so this week I’m updating you on a few of their lives.

My Aunt from “Getting High with the Family”
This story shaped my column. I strived to top it, but I couldn't. My aunt remembered the experience as a nightmare, but after reading the story from my perspective, she recognized the lighter side of the ordeal. I tried to get her to smoke with me since then, but she chickened out. I can't really blame her. At Thanksgiving, she expressed interest in edibles, but her kids, my cousins, barred me from giving her any. I guess there's always Christmas.

Marv from “The Amplifier Effect” and “Getting Chased by the Cops”
Although the stories about this college homie always involved drunken shenanigans, I refrained from mentioning his involvement in one of the most serious Weediquette stories. In “I Like to Stay Home,” I described a 14-year-old mugger stabbing me in the throat with a glass bottle—this happened when I was drinking with Marv. He's the one who pulled me out of this shit and took me to the hospital. Marv saved my life, but he hates when I bring it up.

I still talk to Marv on the reg, and lately he’s been telling me that his mom and girlfriend are fervently trying to get him to adopt weed as a substitute for alcohol. They’re tired of his drunken rowdiness and are attempting to make him a mellower man. I'm planning on influencing him in the coming year.

N.A. Poe from “Prohibition Smoke Down in Philly”
When I visited the Prohibition Smoke Down demonstration in Philadelphia, I caught one of the last demonstrations to end peacefully. At the following month's event, the police presence was denser, and at the protest after that, a joint force of city cops and park rangers raided Independence Mall National Park. Along with Adam Kokesh, N.A. Poe was arrested and charged. He spent several days in the slammer—as his cohorts protested outside the building, of course—and he subsequently fought a handful of charges. This week, he was sentenced to a year of probation that requires him to be regularly drug tested. It's not that bad, but I'll have to check in with him a few weeks into his forced abstinence.

Egon from “Egon the Blunt Getter”
During college, this goon brought out the worst in me. Egon remained a pebble in my shoe after freshmen year, but I eventually softened my attitude towards him. In retrospect, I realized Egon was the bigger man. I would go off on him for minutes at a time, and he would sit there like Gandhi, staring back at me with blank, peaceful eyes. He’s doing really well now. Right after college ended, he found a great job, and recently he became engaged. I only know this through Facebook, but he hits me up once in a while, usually referencing some positive college memory. In my memory, experiences with him meant frustration, but in his mind those were little hiccups in our friendship.

My Dad from “My Dad Is Not Down”
After discovering this article, which disses him for dissing my weed habit, my dad gently confronted me about it. He briefly apologized for not understanding my choices but then lectured me about how I needed to quit smoking for health reasons. This made me realize his main reason for disliking cannabis was that he grew up believing weed was bad—he simply didn't want his kid doing something bad. It's a very dad reasoning for hating weed. I'm visiting my dad again soon, and I wonder if the conversation will arise again. I hope it doesn't. Although it's nice to discuss disagreements in the open, I doubt my dad will ever see weed from my point-of-view. There's no point in bringing up a point of contention.

The Old Chinese Man from “Hate in an Elevator”
The old Chinese man still works on the floor below me, so I run into him at least once a week. We always meet in the haunted-ass elevator. He doesn’t speak much English, but we always have a good laugh about getting stuck in the elevator. The vibes in the elevator during the incident were pretty bad, but the vibes of recollecting our survival are always great.

Jummy from “Jummy’s Infinite Stash”
I wanted to include background about my friendship with Jummy in this piece, but it wasn't relevant to the story. When we were 15 or 16, he and I started a punk band called The Fascist Police and wrote a bunch of awful (but awesome) songs together. We also plastered stickers all over town bearing the band’s name and the band's simple logo—a police badge with a pig’s face on it. This may or may not have contributed to our police woes in subsequent summers.

Charles from “The Guy Who was Raped by a Girl”
I didn't know Charles was gay when the Dude raped him. I'm unsure if this made his experience more fucked-up or difficult to cope with, and I wonder if my friends and I would have reacted differently if we knew he was gay. Knowing his sexuality makes the trauma of waking up next to a girl nicknamed the Dude seem much worse.

Bol from “Bol the Acid Tripper”
As a regular reader of my column, Bol immediately recognized himself in this story. He hit me up and apologized for seeming like a psychedelic elitist. We’ve had debates about psychedelics in the past, so he wasn’t surprised his behavior annoyed me. He still indulges in extracurriculars more often than I do, but I think he agrees with me that it’s purely recreational and not the path to a higher plane. If it is, he’s ascending to the sky way faster than I am.

Tal from “P.J. the Narc”
I rarely spoke to former high school classmates after graduation, but Tal resurfaced when I moved to West Philly during college. He lived near my place, and he accepted interesting trades for nugs. My housemates worked at a local pizza parlor, so we occasionally traded whole pizza pies for weed from Tal. All parties were thoroughly pleased with the outcome. I have no idea what happened to P.J.

“Sorry for the clip show. Have no fears, we’ll have stories for years.”

@ImYourKid