This Week in Racism - Black People Still Love Justin Bieber

Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of one to RACIST, with “one” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

–Well, folks. It's come to this. After throwing a variety of childish temper tantrums, running afoul of the law, and exposing his shocking lack of basketball and graffiti skills, Justin Bieber's found a way to top it all and further assert himself as perhaps our most embarrassing celebrity with not one but two videos surfacing online that contain Bieber's gratuitous use of the word "nigger." In the above clip supplied by TMZ, Bieber modified his classic tune "One Less Lonely Girl" to have a slightly more ominous message. Beebs is not known to drop a ton of remixes, but when he does, you'd better believe it's going to have plenty of racial slurs and threats of hate crimes in it.

Hold your outrage, though, online commenters! Fortunately, since this column runs on Fridays, I had the luxury of waiting for some experts to weigh in and put this controversy to bed:

*MIC DROP*

Enough said. If Weezy and Birdman (and Whoopi Goldberg) are on board, I'm on board. After all, Birdman is already proven to be a safe, sturdy bridge between black and white culture. Walk across the Birdman Bridge with me to a color-blind, post-racial America!

To further drive the point home, Young Money President Mack Maine told TMZ that Bieber does not have a "slave mentality," has "legitimately adopted the culture of the hip-hop, African American culture," and "treats people with respect." Maine also had the following to say regarding telling racist jokes: "I remember telling a white man, Chinese man, black man joke as a kid that was terrible, and I told it to my friends because I thought they'd think it was funny."

The difference being, Maine didn't get caught telling his racist joke. I'd wager that there isn't an adult person alive today who hasn't had a racist thought, made a racist joke (either sincerely or sarcastically), or stereotyped/racially profiled someone in their lifetime. It's just that not everyone is famous enough for it to matter if they get caught. 9

–If you're really lucky and you're a regular person that is videotaped being racist, you can become famous, though. Case in point, one Janelle Ambrosia—stripper, single mom, and racist. Ambrosia—in the midst of a fight in the parking lot of a Dollar General store in Cheektowaga, New York—referred to her adversary as a "nigger." Internet commenters (who are all legal experts) have started clamoring for her to be charged with a crime. I doubt it's a crime to be an asshole, especially not in New York, where "being an asshole" is one of the more lucrative career paths available to young people entering the job market.

According to her statements to WBLK radio host "Big Rob," she's not only innocent of any crime—she's also not a racist. Ambrosia said, "Quite frankly, if you look it up, 'nigger' means an ignorant person. It has nothing to do with race. But it’s OK for him to call me a racist or honky. That’s racist.”

OK, maybe I've been wrong this whole time about that word. Let me look it up on this handy tool I have called "the Internet":

For the sake of transparency, I got this definition from the notorious liberally biased website merriam-webster.com. Take this with a grain of salt. It could be all lies!

OK, so if we're to believe these Ivy League, latte-sipping, bleeding-heart pussies, the word "nigger" is only "usually offensive." Sometimes it's HILARIOUS. Have you seen a rerun of Chappelle's Show lately?

Maybe Janelle was trying to make a point about how socially disadvantaged her opponent was? "Stay away from my kids, you politically marginalized mother fucker!"

Trust me, Merriam-Webster, you don't want to know. RACIST.

–Janelle Ambrosia's fame as a racist would likely not exist without her squishy mug landing in a viral video. For some racists, celebrity is elusive. Maybe they're not telegenic enough, not as wealthy as Donald Sterling, not as talented as Justin Bieber, or just plain don't have that "X-factor" that Simon Cowell is always prattling on about. Or they could be caught in an audio recording so we never see their face. Untonia Harris—a black employee at a cotton warehouse (DON'T SAY IT) in Memphis, Tennessee—recorded someone he claims is his boss verbally abusing him. The voice on the recording would not let Harris use the office microwave, and then said that he can't drink from the water fountain because it needs a "Whites Only" sign. Finally, if Harris were caught drinking from the fountain, the voice said, "that's when we hang you."

Frankly, I think that's no big loss, since the quality of the water that comes out of fountains is quite poor. I mean, if Untonia Harris wants lead poisoning, that's on him. That said, maybe I shouldn't be surprised that a "cotton warehouse" in Memphis doesn't have a Britta filter. RACIST.

The Best Justin Bieber Tweets That Use the Word "Nigger":

One Less Lonely Nigger by Justin Bieber is one of my favorite songs

— Larry Pickles' Daddy (@PicklesLarry) June 5, 2014

Justin Bieber use a nigger word on tmz he's races I give ing all books away that I have of him

— taken (@datshycute) June 5, 2014

So it's ok for black people to say nigger in basically all their songs but as soon as justin bieber does it he gets hate…umm k

— Alexis (@lexypexy123) June 5, 2014

@justinbieber please make more songs like "one less lonely nigger".

— King Justin. (@biebersniggers) June 5, 2014

Justin Bieber was one of those little white kids that said "nigger" on xbox live

— Garrick (@Yup__itsGarrick) June 5, 2014

Presented without comment: Whoopi Goldberg says the N-word is not a slur in Canada. http://t.co/crzcULzOcd

— Catherine (@catherine0626) June 5, 2014

justin bieber is so rich that he can say the word nigger and have niggers defend him

— Allen (@OneMulatto) June 5, 2014

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