Music Rules For A Happy 4/20

Nine guidelines for a happy Hitler's birthday.

Apr 17 2012, 12:00am

April 20th is just around the corner and weed dealers' beepers are already beginning to fire off while tobacco water pipe sales are currently through the roof. One of the best ways to get the most out of the cult holiday is to celebrate with music. Here are a few personal guidelines that, if followed on April 20, may ensure a safe and enjoyable experience.

Listen to as much 90's hip-hop as possible.

Think groups like De la Soul, Tribe, Wu-Tang, Biggie, Gang Starr, and so on. This music was made to cool out to and that's what 4/20 could end up being all about, right?

Avoid hyper-stimulating music.

I'm talking about stuff like the PYTHAGORON album here…at least while blazed. If you happen to have a weirdo friend who owns this record and he or she tries to convince you that it would be a cool idea to check out this 1977 experimental electronic record, pass on it. The back cover of the album states: "PYTHAGORON™ is not just music -- but sound controlled with electronic precision to alter your awareness, to get you high. Developed through years of research into the resonant interaction of sound and brainwave patterns, PATHAGORON™ sound is unique in concept and production." An experience with this record could possibly be the best start to the most devastating episode of Rescue 911 ever. Don't do it.

Don't forget that weird part in the Bill Withers song "Ain't No Sunshine."

If you aren't prepared for it, the "IknowIknowIknowIknow" part at 0:55 seconds will totally riff on your chill and potentially cause a false alarm "stoner stroke".

Absolutely avoid anything by They Might Be Giants.

Don't ask -- you'll thank me later.

Be careful if the topic of Michael Jackson arises.

Stick to talks on his upbeat classics if anything and shy away from the "I can't believe he's gone" conversation. It's a major bummer of a topic and it's loaded with unnecessary intensity. In recent discussions on MJ, Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me" song came up. If you like spending your day checking to make sure that your windows and doors are locked, then be my guest.

Accept the fact that the Cure have not had a good record since Bloodflowers.

They'll probably never produce a good record again. Acknowledging this fact can save any Cure fan from a lot of heartbreak, especially on this sensitive day. Do not return to the self-titled LP thinking you'll hear the album on new ears, and face the fact that 4:13 Dream is simply a diet Disintegration.

Skip David Lynch related music in general.

We love DL, but stay away from all of it, from things as recent as "Crazy Clown Time" all the way back to soundtracks for his movies (i.e. Eraserhead, Lost Highway, etc). The last thing you want today is to be halfway through the hissing radiator noises from Eraserhead and end up getting stuck wondering what the meaning of your life really is. Save those kind of thoughts for the Magic Mushroom holiday.

Listen to newer indie groups featuring female vocalists.

Best Coast, Tennis, Camera Obscura, and so on. These groups can be soothing and should be considered your marijuana safe-room or the twee alternative to blunt-wrapped rappers.

Don't hang out with your hippie friends… just for today.

It always turns into a Phish phest and we all know it. It's great to befriend this crew for other reasons (get your herb and tell them you're busy all week), but some cliques are best left alone. Most importantly, no one invited Dave Matthews to this party. I don’t care how dank his kind bud is, shitty jamz = harshed vibes. Rusted Root is about the most you’ll be able to tolerate after toking on your favorite bubbler.

Previously - Record Store Day Is Going To Be Annoying

If you live in New York, you can go bother Jeff at Black Gold Records in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn.