FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Music

The Different Types Of Electronic Music You Will Listen To Post Break-Up

THUMP's handy musical guide to mending a broken heart.

Break-ups suck and if you've been on this earth for a while you've most likely gone through one (even if they were your high school sweetheart and you thought you were going to have babies). There's plenty that people can do. Go out, get drunk, take drugs, sleep with a stranger and cry afterwards. But we all know music can be a soother of the soul. Apart from playing "your song" on repeat, or early 2000s R&B (for the pure emotional release), dance music can actually help the healing process. So without further ado, here's a guide to some of the saddest, most depressing shit ever that'll help put things in perspective through the next 12 months as you try to find your new soul mate.

Advertisement

THE BREAK UP

So you're post-break up and everything pretty much sucks right now. Most of the furniture was theirs, the house feels lonely and barren, and for some reason every movie or TV ad feels like a reference to a memory with that special someone. You're most likely going to spend the next few months clutching a drink and staring aimlessly at a wall, otherwise known as quality alone time. It's a grieving phase and you need something down-tempo and minimal to calm your broken heart.

Here are a couple of jams to get you through the sadness:

There's not much to say about "In McDonalds" considering you'll be eating there for the next few months as you feel it's the most likely place to not see your significant other. It kind of speaks for itself.

This should basically be on every breakup mixtape. Listen, cry and remember the good times.

You could totally win her back if you sounded like James Blake, so just listen to this on repeat for a few weeks and eventually you'll perfect his voice….right?

I THINK I'M OVER HIM/HER

It's been like three months, and you've slept with maybe two other people. You're totally fine—you didn't like that last lover that much anyway. It's time to discover new things about yourself. You should experiment and try new clubs, new music, buy new clothes.

Here are all the genres you'll span as you try and find your rebound.

So you heard there's really good looking babes at that shitty nightclub near your uni. The only problem is they play David Guetta and LMFAO all the time. That's cool; you can totally get into this music…it's not that bad…oh fuck this…I've never been into the fake tan thing anyway.

Advertisement

Turns out there's a good looking scene at clubs that play vinyl. You meet this babe who spins once a week to pay for a crate digging addiction. Luckily they've got a plus one to get you into their DJ archaeology club. But let's face it, your music knowledge or interest doesn't stretch this far and trying to talk to these people about your favourite record from the underground reggae scene in 1980s Japan or the Romanian disco movement isn't working out for you.

Fuck this, you just need someone fun. Thankfully Sensation is coming up and all you have to do is wear white, take some juice and bliss out on pills while you get a little bit closer to the best people on the planet. All the while Tiesto blasts 300bpm of trance into your eardrums. Things are looking pretty, pretty, pretty good. The only issue is that Sensation is just a warm up for these people, and in the past few weeks you've had about ten hours sleep and been so wired your teeth are ground to stubs. Maybe you just need to be single for a while.

YOU'RE FINALLY OVER IT

So hey, you're not back to being friends with your ex just yet, but you're not crying into the mirror anymore and you're down to listening to one Kendrick Lamar track a week. Your new vinyl crew hooked you up with some new artists that you quite like, and your style's even changed a bit. Is that babe looking at me?

You might not be tearing up the dance floor just yet (you probably never were) but at least you've finally stopped looking as awkward as the crowd listening to Thom Yorke's boiler room set:

You will always receive a shoulder to cry on and a friendly song recommendation from Reuben Fidock