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A (Mostly) Bullshit-Free Guide to the Best New Year's Eve Parties in New York City

Last one standing gets some intravenous electrolytes and an everything bagel.

by Austin Gebbia and Michelle Lhooq
Dec 31 2016, 1:23am

(Photo via Santiago Felipe/The Culture Whore)

New Year's Eve is objectively the worst. Going out means risking getting puked on or punched in the face by some asshole who did too many bumps on the second floor of Terminal 5. The easy option would be to stay the fuck home, eat some lo mein, and fall asleep before 11 PM. But where's the fun in that? Instead of hiding under your down comforter, the best way to navigate the biggest amateur night of the year is to plan your night carefully, and know what you're getting yourself into. Which is where this NYE party chart comes in handy. We've sifted through dozens of options and picked the best places to ring in 2017, including warehouse techno raves, a psychedelic ambient lounge, a pop-up party in a Chinese restaurant, and pretty much everything in between. Do whatever you need to do to purge this horrendous year. See you in 2017.

I Love Warehouses!

1. Blkmarket Membership: tINI b2b Bill Patrick (Rolls 'n' Do)

Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse

Headliners: tINI, Bill Patrick

Blkmarket warehouse parties are basically like the pulled pork sandwiches of New York nightlife: they might not be necessarily reinventing the wheel, but there's something comforting in the familiarity of knowing what to expect (grungy warehouse, Euro techno, a sea of deep Vs). And, judging by their recent 31-hour set at Sunwaves, tINI and Bill Patrick are an unstoppable B2B force.

2. Be Yourself vs MoodRaw

Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse

Headliners: Danny Tenaglia, Nicole Moudaber, Gregor Tresher, Marino Canal

Techno queen Nicole Moudaber teams up with her mentor, legendary New York DJ Danny Tenaglia, for the kind of warehouse blowout with $200 VIP open-bar tickets. Hope your daddy has deep wallets.

3. Wild Life BK

Location: To Be Announced (Brooklyn)

Headliners: Disclosure, Tiga, Kenny Larkin, Eli Escobar

This is a fun lineup, with bonus points for taking place in a Brooklyn warehouse instead of some hell hole in Midtown. But since it's Disclosure, expect a young crowd. Like, Smirnoff-in-Poland-Spring-water-bottles young.


I Wanna Be With Queer Fam

1. Club Glow

Location: Knockdown Center

Headliners: Katie Got Bandz, Juliana Huxtable, Le1f, De Se

If 2016 was the year where white, heteronormative, and patriarchal oppression became all too real, this party represents one of the ways nightlife can fight back. Headlined by Chicago's drill queen Katie Got Bandz and some of the best of New York's underground club scene, it is a testament to the power of queer and trans people of color, and hopefully a sign of what's to come.

2. Get Wrecked and Carry

Location: Analog BKNY

Headliners: Ron Like Hell and Ryan Smith (Wrecked) + Will Automagic and Nita Aviance (The Carry Nation)

A 12-hour marathon anchored by two pillars of New York's LGBTQ scene, Wrecked and The Carry Nation. The party kicks off at midnight—or, as the DJs put it, "after your balls drop"—and if you make it till dawn, you'll even get served some fresh fruit like some cracked-out Roman god. Trust these daddies to know how to do it right.

3. The Culture Whore & Rify Royalty: Night Riders

Location: 1332 Atlantic Avenue

Headliners: Michael Magnan, JX Cannon, Dream, Rify Royalty, Boywolf, and others

What if West World got taken over by the queer club kid Instagram mafia, eight hours into a poppers binge? You'd get this Wild Wild West-themed warehouse party full of decadently costumed nightlife creatures. Bring your ride-or-die.

4. KUNQ

Location: To Be Announced

Headliners: Balasa, Battyjack, False Witness, FXWRK, Rizzla, and more

One of the most exciting club labels in town brings the heat for their first big NYE party. The vibes here will be warm and friendly—just like a giant family reunion (minus the racist uncle)—and perfect for setting the stage for 2017.


I Want Something Different

1. Chemistry Creative & Mysteries of the Deep present: New Year's at the End of the Universe

Location: 315 Ten Eyck Street

Headliners: Patrick Russell, Certain Creatures, Clay Wilson, and more

Let your anxiety to ambient grooves as you sink into a couch cushion at this coconut water and meditation-fueled rave lounge. A room full of people drifting away as the ball drops—I'm relaxed just thinking about it.

2. Rinsed: Direct Experience NYE

Location: To Be Announced

Headliners: Hieroglyphic Being and surprise guests

Trippy techno with Hieroglyphic Being for twenty bucks in a non-shitshow, intimate setting? It really doesn't get much better than this.

3. Club Mission

Location: Mission Chinese

Headliners: Pictureplane, JX Cannon, Quay Dash, and more

A bevy of Brooklyn nightlife mainstays like Pictureplane and JX Cannon take over an upscale Chinatown eatery. Expect nasty beats, trendy kids, and boujee dumplings.

4. Lit City Rave

Location: Sunnyvale

Headliners: Nadus B2B DJ Tiga B2B DJ Irresistible (Jersey club special), Vjuan Allure

If the thought of yet another house and techno night makes you want to bash your head in, look no further—Lit City has been throwing club music ragers since the halcyon 285 Kent days. Expect vogue, jersey club, ballroom, grime and beyond.


I Wanna Find Love in this Club

In Brooklyn

1. Black Flamingo

Headliners: Jacques Renault, Midnight Magic, Higgins, Beto Cravioto

Black Flamingo is where you go for the best house and disco in Brooklyn, and this lineup of local favorites guarantees it's a family affair.

2. Trans Pecos

Headliners: Patrick Russell, Willie Burns, and more

The Bunker's Patrick Russell joins L.I.E.S.' Willie Burns and Samo Records' Facets at a NYE bash for the experimental heads.

3. TBA

Headliners: Sleepy & Boo, Lost In The Zoo

Sleepy & Boo, New York residents and favorites, will be DJing a masquerade soiree. Hands in the air, eyes wide shut.

4. Good Room

Headliners: Soul Clap, No Regular Play

Roaring tunes on a monstrous sound system. Give your soul a rinse and make sure it's ready for primetime.

5. Bossa Nova Civic Club

Headliners: Galcher Lustwerk, Young Male, Morgan Louis

White Material at Bossa Nova Civic Club is just about the most sure-fire option you have for a great time on NYE. Even better, it's only $15, with free champagne all night.

6. Schimanski

Headliners: Marcel Dettmann and more TBA

At the club formerly known as Verboten and now called Schimanski, the music will be techno and the alcohol will be flowing, much like Marcel's gorgeous, luscious, healthy, biotin-infused hair.

7. Output

Headliners: John Digweed, Naveen G

UK selector John Digweed does an eight-hour special at the throbbing center of Williamsburg nightlife, Output.

In Manhattan

1. Cielo

Headliners: Junior Sanchez, Love & Logic

Cielo and Junior Sanchez is a match made in 2010 heaven. Go for the nostalgia, leave when they start trotting out the bottle service sparklers.

2. Space Ibiza New York

Headliners: Solomun B2B Dixon

Our favorite Resident Advisor-poll-dominating DJ goes back-to-back with another tech-house wizard for eight hours.

3. The Dream Downtown

Headliners: Afrojack

Afrojack will be "DJing" at The Gallery inside of The Dream Downtown. Socialites dressed as unicorns might show up. Go if you're into EDM or sado-masochism.

4. Flash Factory

Headliners: Lee Burridge

Lee Burridge, the human incense stick, will play at Flash Factory. Will he bring a yoga mat? Go and find out.


BONUS: Help, It's New Year's Day And I Still Wanna Party

1. Bushwick A/V

Location: Somewhere in Bushwick

Headliners: Cry Baby, Pablo Romero, Simon Heyliger, A.Arias

This goes into the morning of January 2nd, which means many people here will have been awake since the the ball dropped. Last one standing gets some intravenous electrolytes and an everything bagel.

2. New Year's Day at Output

Location: Output

Headliners: Maya Jane Coles

Maya Jane Coles, the British DJ of "Truffle Butter" fame (among other things), will be pumping the tunes out of those bangin' Funktion-One's at Output on New Year's Day.

3. Get Membered

Location: Members Only

Headliners: Bedouin, Thugfucker, Matthew Dekay

This is the afters where the Burning Man millionaires go when Cityfox is shut down.

4. Resolute New Year's Eve and Day Extravaganza

Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse

Headliners: Zip, a:rpia:r (Rhadoo, Petre Inspirecu, Raresh), Ion Ludwig

Ricardo Villalobos' deranged children—Rhadoo, Petre Inspirecu, and Raresh—will be playing a never-ending set this New Year's Eve. Come prepared with all living necessities and kiss your loved ones goodbye. You will be here for a long time.

5. Blkmarket Membership New Year's Day

Location: Secret Brooklyn Warehouse

Headliners: Âme, Azimute, Taimur & Fahad

After the tINI and Bill extravaganza, the Blkmarket celebration continues with German duo Âme and more for some New Year's Day debauchery. Great place to get lulled to sleep.

Ezra Marcus contributed to this party guide. Check out our previous party guides by Dance Bitch, and follow Austin, Michelle, and Ezra on Twitter.