The Raptors Lost, But Drake Remains the Thirstiest (Insert Team Here) Fan Imaginable

Alright, so the above clip is edited a little bit—but to illustrate a point. LeBron James just finished his absolute tear at the Eastern Conference Finals, defeating a sprightly Raptors squad that at least gave the Cavs mad chase on their way out. And he's happy! Lord, he should be. His team is starting to look like a(n actual!) team after a Frankenstein year last year that had plenty of electricity, but was cobbled together with disparate parts. Subtract a coach, add a little bit of Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving buying in and you've got a near-flawless post season.

So LeBron's sprinting out of the Air Canada Centre in an endless happiness tunnel, and he's trying to get at his locker room celebration, when all of a sudden some parched-ass motherfucker—we're talking Sub Sahara in July, no camel—who was talking shit to you all game from courtside wants to get dap just because he wants to give appearances of being cool? That's a buzz kill, man. Don't kill LeBron's vibe, Drake.

In fact, a mere hour before, Drake was so up in LeBron's shit that LeBron had to do some mid-game regulation.

Just imagine if Drake is making an album—the execs are breathing down his neck about syncing up tour dates—and LeBron just comes in and takes a shit in his studio. Like, actually pulls down his shorts and takes a shit. Sure, Drake could clean it up and Febreze the hell out of it, but it's probably going to leave a phantom smell lying around, and at least irk you enough to think, "man, that dude really just took a shit in my studio" for the rest of the time you're recording.

Analogy not working for you? Imagine you're filming Degrassi, and LeBron shows up and pushes you out of your wheelchair mid-take. Then sits on the side and watches you film the rest of the time, just staring, talking shit. It's rude. Not as rude as this purple-shirt human waste from Charlotte, but still. Oh yeah, then there's the fact that Drake has been trolling on Instagram as well.

Yeah, I know that's why you buy courtside tickets—so you feel like you're in the game, like you can influence it. I know that athletes have to deal with shit talk from opposing fans all the time. But maybe just don't approach the person you just shat talked for 11 days straight, asking for dap. I dunno.

Only one thing left to say:

tfw you're trying to decide which Cavs jersey to wear during the Finals pic.twitter.com/1vUi10DdFG
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) May 28, 2016

UPDATE:

There's apparently other stuff to say. Like, unofficial Cavs mascot and Tommy Bahama model 'Lil Kev' (found in a magazine on a team flight, bearing a resemblance to 'Big Kev'[in Love]) with the post-game dis:

Cold.