Burlington Coat Factory is known for selling relatively acceptable outerwear at pretty OK prices. It's the kind of place your mom drags you to as a kid—much like Ross or the dreaded Stein Mart. It is also apparently a hotbed of breast-pump-related crime, or at least it is in New Jersey.
On December 1, an unknown man walked into a Burlington Coat Factory in Brick Township, loaded up his cart with three Medela Freestyle breast pumps, and left without paying, the Smoking Gun reported Tuesday. Although it might seem silly, the theft is being treated as a serious crime—combined, the hands-free devices are worth about $1,000. Oddly enough, though, the man dumped the pumps outside the store as he was fleeing. A manager from the Burlington Coat Factory store in question declined to comment to VICE about the theft.
Detective D aniel Waleski with the Brick Township Police Department has been assigned to the case, but he referred us to Sergeant Henry J. Drew, who did not return requests for comment. That may be because this latest incident is part of a bizarre mini crime spree: There was another case of breast-pump shoplifting earlier this month in nearby Freehold. So why would pilfering lactation aids be worthwhile? The answer might be that they're used for a variety of sexual purposes, which of course can be read about online.
"Guys this toy has been the most enjoyable sex toy I have ever owned," says bigbear4u on the forum Experience Project. "I will use the pump a couple of times a day and will even fall asleep with the pump set to a low setting feeling the gentle suckling of my moobs." (He then links to a YouTube video that has mercifully been taken down, but you can use your imagination.)
Other men are using breast pumps to induce lactation (yes, male lactation is a thing). As it turns out, when stimulated by a sucking device, nipples can activate the pituitary gland, a fetish made possible by consuming the same kind of hormones that women naturally produce while pregnant. That, and having a machine suck away at your nipples for hours on end. "I just started taking herbs and using breast cream to grow my breasts," kfsteve, who's in his 60s and from Arizona, wrote on the forum. "My goal is to lactate. I can only imagine the fun that is waiting for me."
The other plausible explanation, of course, is that breast pumps are expensive as fuck. Maybe the guy just wants to unload them on the black market or flip them on eBay. Everybody loves money, and as another commenter on Experience Project notes, "I have a breast pump fetish... but electric ones are expensive. Gotta save gotta save."
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