Not a lot is known about female sexuality, besides that it is secretive and mysterious, and has the complexity of a blossoming rose (or something). I think that a large part of a woman’s sexual makeup is based on situational arousal, as opposed to the fetishism of a particular object, as in male sexuality… I don’t know, is this kind of gay? And not true? To help prove my theory, I talked to a bunch of girls about the things that turned them on when they were kids. I focused on what pop culture references they could point to as a source of sexual groundwork. From this, I think you can get a good clear sense of what a lady’s sexual fantasies are all about. Or maybe just what a human being’s sexual fantasies are all about? I don’t know, just look at this, it’s interesting:
Rose, age 21
Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?“Jessica Rabbit was my first lesbian crush. In particular I remember the scene where she sings in the club. For me, I think it was an example of how to bewitch men, and maybe the reason why I started pole dancing at a strip club when I was 18 years old. That possibility of captivating men was very empowering to me. Actually, the person who got me into pole dancing was this really cool lesbian single mother I hooked up with a few months before. It stopped being fun when every time I met a skater in the city they would go, ‘Oh yeah, you're that stripper chick,’ with total dismissal and disgust. But I think chicks that know they're hot are fucking hot, so I like most strippers.”
Kim, age 22
The rich kid in The Little Rascals“I watched The Little Rascals a lot as a kid, and for some strange reason that stuck up rich kid, all anal and tight-ass, really got me riled up. I just wanted to loosen that boy up for real. But my heart always went out to Alfalfa.”
Holly, age 21
Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon, and Alf from Alf“I loved Tuxedo Mask when I was six years old. I don’t know what it was about him, but I was just kind of obsessed with him. Then there was also Alf. I used to be mesmerized by Alf’s face because I had never seen a penis before and that’s what I thought they looked like. I didn’t get a rapey vibe from him, but I was definitely entranced by his dick face.”
Lauren, age 22
Max in A Goofy Movie, and Huey in DuckTales“Red, I think I enjoyed the color red as a child. Both Max and Huey wear it. It’s a powerful, sexual color—that could have something to do with it. Also, they’re wearing baseball caps. I remember as a child thinking that backward caps were extremely sexy. It might relate to my inability to accept feelings that I consider "lame," like being too uptight (aka like a woman). The baseball cap could resemble keeping calm, and always being cool and collected. I could even have a masculinity issue, hence my obsession with older men, and my rejection of most things feminine. Femininity always signified weakness to me.“
Amber, age 22
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones“When I was about nine, I fell in love with Indiana Jones. The specific scenes that I remember exciting me were when he would take out his whip and pull a hot girl back to him. I always wished it could have been me. Harrison Ford made me love adventure and scruffy guys that can clean up well… Umm maybe I should buy a whip.”
Candy, age 33
The overdose scene in Pulp Fiction“I didn’t watch TV when I was younger but in high school I remember being turned on by Pulp Fiction. It’s the scene where the guy stabs Uma Thurman in the heart with an adrenaline shot. That whole scene was intense and so, so hot. I don’t do relationships unless it's intense enough for me to want to rip the head off of someone who even talked to my other half. Seriously, it sounds crazy but I won’t settle until I think that someone would actually kill for me, and I would kill for them. Psycho? I guess intensity is my thing.“
Brett, age 20
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (and Tim Allen?) from Home Improvement“JTT was definitely the first time I can remember feeling horny. I can actually remember feeling that wiggly feeling you get in your vag sometimes, when you're little and turned on. It feels wrong but good. And Tim Allen was just a great dad. With him it wasn’t so much of a turn on as it was a jealousy thing, like an "I wish I was your daughter" thing… That’s probably subconsciously sexual.”
Me, age 21
Loony Toons episode “Daffy Doc”I was four years old, and I can remember what exactly “turned me on” about this cartoon: 1) There were doctors performing surgery on a stage in front of lots of people. 2) Porky Pig gets captured and forced into being a patient. 3) They get trapped in an artificial lung and when they come out their bodies are inflating and changing shape. I remember being so ashamed of my arousal that it kind of traumatized me, and I pretended that it never happened. Porky Pig? Come on. I knew that was fucked up. But from this I think you could assume that: I’m aroused by dramatic power imbalances, like you know uh, doctors n’ shit, and there’s a little dose of exhibitionism in there too. Then there’s also something about the idea of a body part expanding up to 300 percent of its original size that is pretty captivating… BONERS!!!
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Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?“Jessica Rabbit was my first lesbian crush. In particular I remember the scene where she sings in the club. For me, I think it was an example of how to bewitch men, and maybe the reason why I started pole dancing at a strip club when I was 18 years old. That possibility of captivating men was very empowering to me. Actually, the person who got me into pole dancing was this really cool lesbian single mother I hooked up with a few months before. It stopped being fun when every time I met a skater in the city they would go, ‘Oh yeah, you're that stripper chick,’ with total dismissal and disgust. But I think chicks that know they're hot are fucking hot, so I like most strippers.”
The rich kid in The Little Rascals“I watched The Little Rascals a lot as a kid, and for some strange reason that stuck up rich kid, all anal and tight-ass, really got me riled up. I just wanted to loosen that boy up for real. But my heart always went out to Alfalfa.”
Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon, and Alf from Alf“I loved Tuxedo Mask when I was six years old. I don’t know what it was about him, but I was just kind of obsessed with him. Then there was also Alf. I used to be mesmerized by Alf’s face because I had never seen a penis before and that’s what I thought they looked like. I didn’t get a rapey vibe from him, but I was definitely entranced by his dick face.”
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Max in A Goofy Movie, and Huey in DuckTales“Red, I think I enjoyed the color red as a child. Both Max and Huey wear it. It’s a powerful, sexual color—that could have something to do with it. Also, they’re wearing baseball caps. I remember as a child thinking that backward caps were extremely sexy. It might relate to my inability to accept feelings that I consider "lame," like being too uptight (aka like a woman). The baseball cap could resemble keeping calm, and always being cool and collected. I could even have a masculinity issue, hence my obsession with older men, and my rejection of most things feminine. Femininity always signified weakness to me.“
Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones“When I was about nine, I fell in love with Indiana Jones. The specific scenes that I remember exciting me were when he would take out his whip and pull a hot girl back to him. I always wished it could have been me. Harrison Ford made me love adventure and scruffy guys that can clean up well… Umm maybe I should buy a whip.”
The overdose scene in Pulp Fiction“I didn’t watch TV when I was younger but in high school I remember being turned on by Pulp Fiction. It’s the scene where the guy stabs Uma Thurman in the heart with an adrenaline shot. That whole scene was intense and so, so hot. I don’t do relationships unless it's intense enough for me to want to rip the head off of someone who even talked to my other half. Seriously, it sounds crazy but I won’t settle until I think that someone would actually kill for me, and I would kill for them. Psycho? I guess intensity is my thing.“
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Jonathan Taylor Thomas (and Tim Allen?) from Home Improvement“JTT was definitely the first time I can remember feeling horny. I can actually remember feeling that wiggly feeling you get in your vag sometimes, when you're little and turned on. It feels wrong but good. And Tim Allen was just a great dad. With him it wasn’t so much of a turn on as it was a jealousy thing, like an "I wish I was your daughter" thing… That’s probably subconsciously sexual.”
Loony Toons episode “Daffy Doc”I was four years old, and I can remember what exactly “turned me on” about this cartoon: 1) There were doctors performing surgery on a stage in front of lots of people. 2) Porky Pig gets captured and forced into being a patient. 3) They get trapped in an artificial lung and when they come out their bodies are inflating and changing shape. I remember being so ashamed of my arousal that it kind of traumatized me, and I pretended that it never happened. Porky Pig? Come on. I knew that was fucked up. But from this I think you could assume that: I’m aroused by dramatic power imbalances, like you know uh, doctors n’ shit, and there’s a little dose of exhibitionism in there too. Then there’s also something about the idea of a body part expanding up to 300 percent of its original size that is pretty captivating… BONERS!!!