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The Filthy Five

I moved here 16 years ago a handsome man. That is no longer the case.

by Tom Cheshire
Jan 1 2000, 12:00am

Photo by Matt Miller

I moved here 16 years ago a handsome man. That is no longer the case. This town is like New Orleans. The people wear it on their face. The whole city is on pills and and everyone rides a BMX bike. This is where I drink. Here you go. Enjoy.

A lot of us call this place the “office” and that is no joke. Great Mexican food. Drinks are strong. Brent Hinds from Mastodon gives free guitar lessons in the bathroom. Jukebox is great and lighting is dark, which I am a big fan of. 1091 Euclid Ave NE.

Located across the street from the Earl in East Atlanta, this is a real record store that sells vinyl. Go there on a Saturday afternoon and say hello to my friend Paul, who owns the place. He DJs and takes requests. Ask him for a cider and look through an amazing selection of punk, dub, reggae, and blues. 465 A Flat Shoals Ave.

Like a scene out of The Mac. The front door is always locked. You knock on it and a big black lady will answer. She usually asks if you are a cop. When you say no, she will let you in. They sell 40s from behind the bar. The whole place is red. One night the guy from Cameo was in the place and the DJ played “Word Up,” causing him to robot for hours. They are down with all races. 2254 Oakview Rd SE.

A truck stop. A country bar. A gay bar. A gay country truck stop. This place is all of the above. I have done speed in the back with a trucker named Pepsi and drunk Mexican moonshine with a lady who looked like Robert Plant. They’ve got an amazing live band, video games, showers, and surprisingly a really kick-ass pizza. Line dancing, you know this. 1383 Cedar Grove Rd/Conley, GA.

This is the top of the pops and one of the seamiest strip clubs in the country. The girls have to put their own money in the jukebox to dance. I have seen mother-daughter teams working here, a girl with one arm, and of course there’s Blondie—the Clermont’s resident poetess/stripper whose stage moves include crushing beer cans with her tits and performing lap dances that leave the dancees with black eyes. A friend of mine swears he knew a dancer here that was eight months pregnant. The weekends get a little too crowded with yuppies for my style. I usually like to hit this piece on a Tuesday afternoon or something. 789 Ponce de Leon Ave NE.