'Bang with Friends' Won't Revolutionize the Way We Get Laid

Everyone has someone in their Facebook feed who they might want to get down with. And it's likely you've got a few Facebook friends who are little more than acquintances who you want to get to know better. My problem with the app is that what it boasts...

Have you ever spent a Friday night at home in bed, laptop on your knees, the sickly blue glow from the screen illuminating the room just enough to make the whole scene really, really creepy? Do you click through your friends' Facebook photos furiously masturbating? No? Well, friend, get with the times, because according to the new app “Bang with Friends” everyone has a secret hard-on for their pals, and moreover, a burning desire to, as the moniker would suggest, bang with friends.

Bang with Friends allows you to peruse photos of all your Facebook friends, and anonymously select who you’d like to fuck. The friends you chose will only ever find out that you want to bone them if they want to bone you too. Are you titillated yet? Do you have a burning desire to know which of your pals completely objectify you in their alone time?

Everyone has someone in their Facebook feed who they might want to get down with. And it's likely you've got a few Facebook friends who are little more than acquaintances who you want to get to know better. Nothing wrong with that. My problem with the app is that what it boasts as being an upfront way to cut through the awkwardness of broaching sex is, in practice, a furtive and exploitative kind of gawking.

I got in contact with the founders of the app—three anonymous people who were too scared to talk on the phone, but who are apparently from California and apparently also all dudes—because I had a few issues with the functionality of the app. For instance, as a female, the site only allows me to choose from my male friends (and vice versa if you are a male), so the gay community is NOT ALLOWED TO BANG. Soz y’all. And nevermind that you’re not even consenting to have your image used on this glorified whorehouse (the founders’ email is simply “Online Pimp”), because being sexually objectified is “flattering,” just like being catcalled in the street.

Anyway, I clearly have some beef with the Online Pimps and the technological little whorehouse they’ve unwittingly employed us at in an ill-conceived attempt to revolutionize The Way We Fuck, but I’m all for you making your own decisions. See what the guys had to say—via email—below:

VICE: The three of you are dudes, right?
Bang with Friends: Yes

So do you guys usually cruise Facebook and think to yourself, I would fuck this girl. I wonder if she'd fuck me? 'Cause that's what it would seem like your thing does?
Everyone has some friends that they would throw the bone to. We're no different.

Have you ever jerked off to someone's Facebook profile?
Best question yet! Not yet, but not ruling it out.

What was your motivation in making the site? Are you looking to make money?
To cut through the pretense of dating and connect people to friends-with-benefits or more.

How do you think people will feel about having their image used as a sexual object without their consent or even knowledge?
Flattered? This happens all of the time offline and online via Facebook. We're all adults here. Let's be honest about our sexuality!

You talk about wanting to take the "awkwardness" out of sex. How is your app doing that?
It can be awkward to breach the subject of your sexual interest in a friend unless you know it's mutual. We take down that barrier. It should be something that is celebrated and open, not something anyone should feel awkward admitting is their goal.

As a woman, I find the homepage image you guys use on your site quite disturbing. An inert, faceless woman on a bed with a dress pulled up over her head doesn't exactly scream "equality for the sexes." Why did you choose a woman and not a man?
We liked the erotic, laidback, and whimsical nature of the photo. But rest assured, we'll be updating it for the ladies and gents who swing that way.

When I log on, I'm only able to see males from my friends list. Why the heteronormative standard?
To be honest, we built this in two hours and never expected it to take off. We built the most basic version we could to keep it simple and get to the result of getting people bangin' buddies! We are working on expanding it to help everyone.

I also have the option to bang my brothers, uncles, cousins, and dad. Is that something you're gonna fix?
Right now, we filter out your family members according to the ones marked as such on Facebook. We'll check into doing something beyond that.

Your emails come from "Online Pimp." Do you really see yourselves as pimps?
Tongue-in-cheek email address, really :P  We are more like the "cupids of boning."

Why are you choosing to stay anonymous?
This is growing faster than my member when Mila Kunis is half naked, so we need to get everything in line before we open up more.

You say in an interview with the Daily Beast that you'd definitely block your younger sister from using it. Why?
Frankly, we don't want to think of our innocent little sisters bangin'. Curse of the older brother I guess.  But really, if they're of age and making responsible decisions, they can go for it. Just hoping we don't advertise that they've signed up!