Oh, the Tide Pod. A plump, colorful, and definitely-not-edible pouch of detergent. It may look like candy, like some kind of fruit-filled dumpling or an oversized Gusher or whatever, but it is not food. Its sole purpose is to rid your clothes of dirt and sweat and grime and leave them sparkling clean and smelling fresh. Unfortunately, for a few dark months last year, teens decided to start chowing down on Tide Pods anyway.
They did it not out of physical hunger, but to satiate a deeper, more elusive longing: the desperate desire for viral fame. But that fame came at a price. The Tide Pod Challenge led to around 100 calls to poison control and prompted Procter & Gamble, the company behind Tide, to use everything from child locks to Rob Gronkowski to hurriedly dissuade people from eating the Pods. Luckily, the dumb internet trend faded fast (as dumb internet trends are wont to do), and Tide Pods went back to being things you shoved in your washing machine instead of your mouth.
But on Friday, Procter & Gamble debuted a brand-new plan to package their detergent—and it, uh, also shares a striking resemblance to something potable.
According to CNN, the new design is eco-friendly, since it apparently uses 60 percent less plastic than a traditional container and the box makes it easier and cheaper to ship. But it also, you know, makes laundry detergent look like something you might pour into a big glass to help you wash down a few Tide Pods.
Of course, Tide is not food, and this is not something you should drink. This may look like boxed wine, but do not sip the forbidden nectar inside. Do not tear the plastic inner bladder from inside and loft it high above your head while you twist the nozzle, letting a stream of viscous purple detergent cascade into your mouth. Do not gather your friends to play a rousing game of Slap the (Tide) Bag.
This is just for clothes. Only clothes. Nothing more. Got it? Good.
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