But few meats are as mysterious as the 15 pounds of sausage and pork chops that landed on the roof of a suburban Florida home. However, unlike the enumeration above, the mystery here lies not in what kind of meat it is—forensic analysis confirms that it is indeed pork—but how it landed on top of someone's house.
The someone in this case is the Adair family of Deerfield Beach, Florida. In the early hours of July 15, the Adairs heard a "crashing sound" that was "louder than thunder" coming from their roof, Jenny Adair told Jimmy Kimmel last night. In fact, it was so loud that she thought it was a satellite or a meteorite, and Kimmel couldn't resist making a "meateorite" pun. Can you really blame him though?
Later that morning, the Adairs were very surprised and confused to find 15 pounds of raw meat on their roof and in their side yard; but the plot thickens. The pork chops and sausage were in bags marked Williams Land Service, a land management company in Myakka City, Florida, according to ABC Local 10 News, and the meat itself was from Fussell's Frozen Food, 20 miles away in Arcadia, Florida.
Fussell's owner Jimmy Fussell confirmed that a package of meat that he packaged had been sent to William Land Service in January "for the owner's personal use" and that "somewhere down the line, it had to come out of this freezer," he told ABC Local 10 News. Additional reporting from Jimmy Kimmel's investigative team confirmed that Jimbo Williams of Williams Land Service remembered buying the meat and offered to bring the Adairs more meat for a cookout.
But that still doesn't answer the most important question here: how did the meat get on the roof? Did the pork enter an interdimensional Black Lodge-like portal? Was it thrown on the roof in a fit of Walter White-esque rage, or as a prank? A symbolic "you're dead meat" message from Floridian organized crime?
Maybe, there's a more reasonable explanation, like that it fell out of a cargo plane (if you can call that reasonable). As far as more far-fetched possibilities go, the Adairs told Gizmodo that they thought it may have even been a drone delivery gone awry. And on Twitter, there are some alien conspiracy theories, as one might expect.
Personally, we like Travis Adair's theory that the only "logical answer" is a "North Korean sausage missile," proving that no situation is too weird for a dad joke.