Welcome to Off-Menu , where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.
- A federal judge in Louisiana will soon have the unenviable task of deciding whether Giant Ass Beers are the same thing as Huge Ass Beers. According to The Advocate, the company that owns the three Bourbon Street bars that sell their beers in 32-ounce cups with the words “Huge Ass Beers” tastefully printed on the side has filed a lawsuit against three different Bourbon Street bars (and one strip club) that have started offering oversized plastic bottles of Giant Ass Beer. “Instead of using 'Huge,' 'Big' or 'Half,' defendants' mark uses 'Giant,'" the lawsuit reads. "'Giant' is synonymous with both ‘Huge’ and 'Big.'" I’m starting to reconsider my plan to move to New Orleans to sell cups of Massive Gluteal Grain Drink.
- Yesterday, we were all reasonably enamored with Hallway Pizza Guy, the college student who was caught on camera inhaling a slice of pizza outside the Michael Cohen hearing. He has since done a Reddit AMA, which everyone has read from start-to-finish because we’re all unfulfilled at work, uncertain about our futures, and would prefer to learn about a stranger’s favorite kind of pizza crust (he likes it doughy) than to watch powerlessly as the clock tick-tick-ticks toward an increasingly dystopian future. Also, he got some gift cards!
- Carly Rae Jepson did an interview with Zane Lowe yesterday, and she shared a story that should be etched on stone tablets or preserved in the Library of Congress or, at the very least, memorialized somewhere other than on Michael Bolton’s Facebook page. SO HERE WE ARE! Jepson said that in 2016, she, Bolton, and Seal were flown to Winnipeg to perform at the David Foster Foundation Miracle Gala, and during that flight, she watched as Seal ate an entire loaf of gluten-free bread, one slice at a time. Because she’s one of us, she admitted that she secretly filmed him as he ate slice after slice, and she still has that sacred footage on her phone. But we're never gonna survi-i-i-i-ve, unless we get a little crazy.
I’m always amazed that Kenan Thompson still looks like a teenager, mostly because he’s been part of the SNL cast since the late 1970s. (He’s actually 40.) He’s aging incredibly well, especially compared to one of his Good Burger costars.
According to Jalopnik, the Pacer that played the role of the Burgermobile is 1) being sold on Facebook marketplace and 2) rusting from the inside out like the rest of us who grew up in the late 1990s. The car’s current owner is selling it for $10,000, which is a bargain for what is clearly Kenan Thompson’s manual-transmission “Portrait of Dorian Gray.”
KIDS THESE DAYS
While some parents are frantically Googling “MOMO CHALLENGE,” others are just-as-frantically searching their kids’ jacket pockets for bottles of...vanilla extract. Grady High School in Atlanta has sent a warning to parents, advising them that their offspring may or may not be drinking coffee spiked with Trader Joe’s own-brand baking supplies. “This is not an indictment of Trader Joe’s at all, but parents please be aware that this product contains 35% alcohol and we have discovered that some students have consumed this intoxicant,” the school said. Grady officials say the students are buying $9 bottles of the stuff and pouring it into Starbucks coffee, then going to class. I’m honestly less shook about the extract than I am about the fact that high school kids can afford that and Starbucks.
Happy Friday to everyone but Bijan Stephen!