I Peed Myself At a Concert on Purpose Because I Really Love Music

At a Tycho show, I decided I wouldn't be a slave to my bladder anymore.

|
Jun 9 2017, 9:31pm

Never forget that the human body is a machine. It has functions and limitations. You can either let them shackle you, or hack them for maximum efficiency. Few are powerful enough to fight back against nature, but among us walk heroes.

Take Zachary Sobel. Last month, this New York man found himself faced with a dilemma: should he watch his favorite live electronic band Tycho, or go to the bathroom and pee? A weak man would have picked only one of those options. Zachary Sobel is not a weak man. The choice he made will echo through time. Here is his story. —Ezra Marcus

Zachary Sobel: Tycho's music has had a huge impact on me. It literally feels like medication for my brain. Whether it's helping me get through a work day, a long commute, or pretty much anything else, I can always just put on some Tycho and feel better. So to say I was excited to be seeing them for the first time at Brooklyn Steel last month would be an understatement.

After anxiously getting through a long day of work I returned to my apartment on the Upper East Side in Manhattan. The time was 5:45PM, and I had about two hours until I was going to head to Brooklyn for the concert. I wasn't very hungry due to a big lunch at work, so I decided not to eat dinner. I proceeded to do some pre-concert stretching/yoga, and gathered everything I'd need to have a good time at the concert. Cash on hand in case I want drinks? Check. Hmm, I'm sure I might get a little tired, why not get a huge coffee (even though I NEVER drink coffee)? Sure, why not?

At 7:45PM I start my journey. I originally planned to go with a buddy, but he got stuck writing a final paper for grad school so tonight I was on my own. First stop: Starbucks. I get the largest sized Iced Coffee with a shot of espresso then head to the subway.

I walk to Brooklyn Steel, and I have little bit of time before Tycho comes on. This turned out be a very good thing as I could not stop peeing. It was annoying as it wasn't like I had to go that badly, it was just a frequency thing. After the opening act, I see it's 9:15PM, and I know Tycho will be on soon. The sold-out show was starting to fill up. I purchase one vodka soda, and go find a good spot. I love being in the pit so I get an awesome spot right up front and in the action.

As I start to get the butterflies I soon realize I have to pee again. After about three minutes of contemplating whether I had time to go to the bathroom or not Tycho comes on, and opens up with "Glider." The visuals are amazing. The sound is perfect. It is in this moment I decide I'm not going be a slave to my bladder anymore. I pee myself.

This wasn't a small amount either. My grey jeans begin to act as a warm sponge absorbing most of the liquid. They end up get so saturated that the urine starts running down to my socks at the ankle. So many emotions are running through me.

My legs are warm, and feel disgusting, but the bladder pain left as fast as the urine did. I could finally enjoy myself wet pants and all. I made sure to look and see that no pee got on the floor around me (I didn't want anyone to slip), and no one around me looked like they just saw a grown man pee himself.

I proceeded to rock out, and not give a fuck about what just happened. Tycho killed it to say the least. It may have been the best sounding live rendition of electronic music I've ever heard. I danced my ass off, and had a great time. After the show I left with the biggest grin on my face. I faced trial and tribulation, but somehow managed to make it, and have an amazing time. Best of all I somehow didn't chafe on the way home!

So, if you or a loved one ever faces the same situation as I did at a concert, here's my advice: Do what feels right! If the music means so much to you then soggy pants shouldn't get in the way of that. Oh and avoid espresso, and bring a friend to hold down your spot for you. That might help.

Stories