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The 'HBO Box' Is the Perfect Place to Watch Por—Uh, HBO in Private

The network is giving away literal home box offices to college students, apparently.

by River Donaghey
Nov 6 2019, 8:48pm

screenshot via HBO Box commerical

Worry not, noble college freshmen currently racking up herculean amounts of debt to live in a squalid dorm room with someone who clips their toenails four feet away from you—HBO has you covered. This week, the network announced a brand-new invention aimed at helping the collegiate among us get a little privacy: a big cardboard box!

Feast your eyes on the aptly-titled HBO Box, coming soon to a dorm room near you:

"When it comes to the dorm room experience, privacy is at a premium," the excessively tongue-in-cheek commercial for the HBO Box says. "Featuring the latest in cardboard technology, we took a standard box, and painted it black. Because not all co-habitants are compatible—and not all screens are for sharing."

All this to say: the thing is just a giant box painted black with some holes for your legs to poke out. The minute-long commercial spells out all of the HBO Box's lavish capabilities, from its ease of portability to the wonderful soundproofing abilities that cardboard can offer. And if the whole thing sounds suspiciously like a way to find a little privacy to stream some more explicit, decidedly non-HBO-branded content, uh, yeah, HBO does, too.

"We're so excited to see what you do—or don't—in an HBO Box," the commercial's narrator coos, all but saying, "feel free to furiously masturbate inside this cardboard box like a horny, pubescent Calvin & Hobbes." Or just watch the new season of Watchmen or something! Up to you! It's your box!

HBO is currently giving away a handful of their wonderful new contraptions, free of charge, to current college students, so if you're looking for a nice respite from your roommate or a little private time, head over to Twitter to take part in the #HBOBoxChallenge.

Sure, you can always just punch some holes in an old refrigerator box and call it good, but wouldn't you rather have the fine craftsmanship of a HBO Box, instead? As HBO says in the commercial, "box is literally [their] middle name." Enjoy!

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