This Halloween may be a good time to engage in an ancient shamanic ritual to cleanse your aura and heal your afflictions—and all you need to accomplish these miracles is one humble egg.
We're talking about the art of egg cleansing, also known as la limpia in Spanish. The practice may derive from Mexico and Mesoamerica, but similar traditions can also be found in the cultures of Italy and the Philippines. Practitioners differ on the details of the ritual, but the basics don't vary; believers insist that by merely rolling an uncooked, whole egg all over your body, the egg will suck up the bad energies that plague you, cure your illnesses, and clean out your dirty, filthy chakras.
According to Shaheen Miro, an intuitive, writer, and artist, the theory behind the egg cleanse is that the egg "has long been regarded as a symbol of life, the connotation being that it takes on energy." So you're basically going to transfer your repugnant energy into the egg and throw it away. Got it?
With that said, let's get cracking!
Step one is to take a fresh, unblemished egg and wash it in some salty water and lemon juice. Some advisors suggest passing the egg over a flame several times while saying a prayer—Crazywolf, who has a blog called Shamanic Readings, says he used this technique to rid himself of bad vibes from a Dr. John concert, so we'd advise you do the same. Traditionalists, like the people behind Old Style Conjure, suggest making "the sign of the cross" and saying "in the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit" followed by "three 'our fathers,'" but if you'd prefer to remain ecumenical, many practitioners don't get religious about the ritual at all. As Miro suggests, "Say a prayer to whatever high power you wish. Ask for their assistance and blessing. Imagine the egg being touched by their presence." Or don't.
Step two: Roll that egg all over your body like a purifying muscle roller. Miro says to hold the egg by your dominant hand and concentrate on any areas of specific pain. It might not hurt to "ask [a] Spirit to make the egg into a vessel which will vacuum off any discordant or negative energy you might be holding at the time. Be grateful and reverent," as Shamanic Readings suggests.
Hold tight, because stunning things may happen. Some claim fevers will abate and asthma will be cured. Others say the feeling is just generally pleasurable. In either event, according to the website known as Shamanic Egg Cleansing, if done correctly, you will be "literally lifted to a new place." That website says its clients find that "their vibration is continuously lifted through this ancient healing form. In this lifted state, clients are healthier, feel more powerful and more capable in life."
Wait a minute, though, because the best part of the egg cleansing process, in our humble opinions, is this: After the cleanse, you will crack the egg open into a bowl of water, let it settle, and then read the egg as if it were tea leaves.
If you have the good fortune to have your egg cleanse performed by a real curandera or healer, she will use her intuition and knowledge of shamanic principles to read the egg. But even if you don't perform your egg cleanse under the auspices of a professional, you may find that your egg is easy enough for a layperson to read. Several people have reported that after the ritual their egg, when cracked open, revealed a black yolk. As one commenter on Miro's website wrote, his post-ritual egg "looked like black snakes [and] the next time it was like bubbles with red dots." Another commenter even reported that the glass containing the raw egg promptly cracked itself.
Now that's some bad bad juju.
What to do with the post-ritual egg after it is filled with all of your nasty vibes? Miro suggests this: "Dispose of the egg by breaking it in the toilet and flushing it. Then dump a cup of salt and lemon juice down the toilet. Or throw the egg into a running stream. Or near a tree off of the property."
You want to get rid of that egg, stat. But consider this: If you do this ritual, you may find that post-Halloween you will be free of bad energy and ready to start a new year, in which you will be free to pollute yourself all over again.
Don't worry. The humble egg will be waiting to cleanse you and your disgustingly filthy aura.