Oh, you scored a goal off of a bicycle kick once? With one bicycle kick? Congrats—you want a gold star? An extra pudding? Well, sorry, you ain't getting none because your single bicycle kick doesn't amount to squat, diddilly alongside this absurd creation from a team from Recife, Brazil (aka Hyphy City). Because these guys tripled your output. Yes, to you, dear reader, I present: the triple bicycle kick golazo in all of its radiance.
During Sport Recife's (Brazil, Brasileiro Série A) first round Copa Sudamericana match against Danubio FC (Uruguay, Primera División), Diego Souza took the final credit on what was a baffling string of escalating bicycle kicks. The first: a whiff of a chance that resulted in a rainbow across the goal. The player probably should have chested it down softly, and turned for the logical, on-the-carpet open goal—seeing how he was absurdly wide open with just the keeper in front of him. But no. This is Brazil showing Uruguay how they ball. It couldn't be so simple. It had to be a giant, arching bicycle kick across the open mouth of the goal, allowing time for defenders to cluster.
The second: the first, rainbowing ball happened to find it's way to into the footspace of kick No.1's teammate. Now, this is a somewhat logical moment to bicycle kick: the ball is dropping in front of you with the goal behind you; its path is predictable; the goal is close. So dude lets it rip. And it's a nice shot! It took a foot save from Danubio's defender to knock it away. Had he made it, this would have been a highlight of and by itself. But no. We are not done yet, people.
The third: because no one wants to let this ball touch the ground without gracing it with a sick shot, Souza decides he wants in on the action. So, with the ball arching high (and a scoreline of 2-0—who gives a fuck?), Souza takes flight, performs some scissor-legged acrobatics, and slaps the ball down—the first time it's touched ground since try No. 1—to riochet into the back of the net. It was the only way it could have gone down, really.
Furthermore, Souza rattled off yet another bicycle kick earlier in the match that led to a goal—this time finished off by a header, sadly:
The whole match felt like a professional beach game, or one of those intense Eastern European futsal matches. It was like the Harlem Globetrotters of Brazil. So next time you feel like you're primed for a bicycle kick goal—just try sending it out to a teammate instead. Because this is the new standard, and we won't accept your chump single-bicycle kick goals from here on out.