Ah, love. Love love love. What is love? And if you are really in love, would you stay in a sexless relationship or would you bolt? Would you stay with your lover if they could never bump uglies again?
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Ah, love. Love love love. What is love? Is it an indestructible bond between two people, intertwining the very fabric of their hearts for eternity, or just a word you use to throw an attractive veil over that dirty, sweaty lust that's been festering in your pants ever since you learned how to skeet?
If it's the second one, then you're probably a sociopath. Although, you could also be any one of millions who have tossed the L-word out there for your own selfish ends; something you say until shit gets too real and you want to bail. Shit like the person you "love" never having sex with you again. But, if you are really in love, do you stay in a sexless relationship or do you bolt?
London, would you stay with your partner if they could never have sex again?
David, 27, recording artist (left) and Laurence, 23, university worker.
VICE: How about if they could still give you head?
David: It would have to be really, really, really good.
Laurence: Yeah. But no. We’re animals. Sex is a part of everything.
What if you had an open relationship and could fuck other girls?
David: Oh God. That is a great option. But still no.
Laurence: No. Not because I’d feel bad, but because I'd rather find someone who I love and could have sex with.
Well that's nice.
Rosie, 22, photographer and Ben, 22, unemployed.
Rosie: I would.
Ben: Probably not, because we wouldn’t have anything to do together. There would be nothing to bond over.
But what if you'd already spent a couple of years bonding?
You’d feel guilty if they were in a wheelchair. I’d feel bad if I dumped them.
Rosie: If they gave you permission to cheat, then I’d go for it. If they decided they just didn’t wanna have sex with me, then they can go away. If I was in their position, I’d insist they stayed with me.
Ben: Yeah. But, I mean, even if they’re paralyzed we can surely sort something out still. Let’s be practical.
Bob, 24 (left) and Simon, 22.
Bob: No. Wait, why couldn’t they have sex anymore?
They had an accident and they're paralyzed.
Oh, that’s shitty.
Simon: Oh, OK, I see. You’re playing the disabled card now.
Bob: What am I allowed to do in the way of having sex? If they can’t have sex, am I allowed to have sex?
Yep. Are you saying that you’d cheat on them, then?
Well, you wouldn’t tell them. You’d have to ask, wouldn't you?
Simon: Oh yeah, you’d ask. It's not cheating that way; it's just an open relationship.
Bob: If it was the other way round and I was paralyzed, I feel like I'd let them. We don’t have girlfriends at the moment, though, so it's hard to say.
What if your last girlfriend decided she didn’t want to have sex anymore?
She did. That’s why we broke up.
Simon: Poor you. No, I’m sticking with no. It’s a closed book. We’re animals—we’re animalistic—we have to have sex.
What if they could do everything with you but sex?
Bob: YES! Now we’re talking. The boundaries have changed. You wouldn't even have to cheat on them. That would be great.
Alex, 25, waiter: I don’t know. I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment. I’d stay with him if he got into an accident, though, because I’m sure we could come up with some kind of arrangement.
What would that be?
Well, I could just go out and have sex, but he’d have to stay at home by himself. We’d have to discuss it, obviously.
Yeah, that option doesn't sound too great for him. What if he wasn't in an accident and just didn’t want to have sex with you?
If I loved him, then I’d stay with him. You can’t just be like, “No. Fuck off.” Well, I’d like to think I’d stay with him, but, in reality, I’m not sure.
Catherine, 26, student: Nope. Well, unless it was because of some kind of accident, because it wouldn't be his fault that way.
What sexual favors would they have to give to make you stay with them?
None. I don’t think I’d be that harsh, but I definitely wouldn’t be OK with never having sex again.
What if they just decided they didn’t want to fuck you anymore?
To be completely honest, I’d just get rid of them. I'd stay with them if it was because of something harsh that had happened, but that would only be out of pity.
The best emotion to base a relationship on.
Previously - Do You Surf and Turf?