Spot the Vegetarian

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You know what’s fun? Judging people on face value. You know what’s even better? Doing it from the safety of a computer so no one can judge you back. And with that in mind, here comes the first of our new series on casually held perceptions. Simply pick three people most likely to be vegetarians from the following eight. If you get the answers right, well you’re a bit of a jerk, but at least you're an accurate one. Answers are at the bottom. Good luck!

What’s your name?
Latifa.

What do you do?
I’m a student. I study philosophy and psychology and I also work at Coles.

Do animals have feelings?
Yes. You can tell they do because some animals, dogs especially, can express emotions. Just the way they behave around humans, which might also be something we impose on them but I don’t think so.

Which are better, wrestlers or monster trucks?
Wrestlers. It just seems a more individual, one on one, human activity.

What’s your name?
Jethro.

What do you do?
I’m a student studying business.

Are you going to be rich when you grow up?
Probably not. I have a big lack of motivation.

What’s your favourite vegetarian food?
Lord of the Fries probably. I didn’t even know it existed until recently.

If you had to bath in blood, what animal would the blood come from?
Um, oh god. I’m trying to think of something big. Maybe a cow because there’s lots of them. I’d hate to cause an extinction just to have a bath.

What’s your name?
Nahom.

What do you do?
I’m going to RMIT, studying to be an electrician.

Why do you want to be an electrician?
Oh, it’s just something that I got from my dad because I used to help him work and stuff. I enjoy it so I realised I should do it. What else do you want to know? I’m 20 years old, I’m living my life.

Do you have a good life?
Um, I would say yeah.

Are you ever angry?
I’m not an angry person so I’d say no. Except that my grandfather died, he got shot and that made me upset. But that was back in my country, Eretria in East Africa.

Is your life better now?
I’d say it’s the same. Maybe even worse now because I’m older and there are responsibilities. So maybe it’s getting harder.

What’s your name?
My name is Chris Elmore.

What do you do Chris?
I’m a retired gentleman but at the moment I’m doing a bit of study on Mozart. He’s an interesting character because he basically invented the symphony.

What’s the best song by anyone ever?
"Capriccio Italien." It’s a little 15 minute piece by Tchaikovsky.

Do animals have souls?
I wonder if humans have souls. I tend to be fairly materialistic about the whole thing. To get technical, I’m an Epiphenomenalist, which is basically someone who believes the workings of the mind come from the chemical interactions of the body.

If you were to eat a person, which part would you eat?
I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

But you had to. I’ve got a gun to your head.
Probably the buttocks then. Nice and meaty.

What’s your name?
Naresh.

What do you do?
I’m a student. I study mathematics.

What’s the most beautiful mathematical equation?
There are quite a few. My personal favourite is Ito’s Lemma. It’s the equation upon which most financial knowledge is built on.

What’s a vegetarian?
It’s someone who has decided to not eat meat for an ethical reason. From where I come from in Malaysia it is very normal.

If you could come back as an animal what would it be?
Probably an eagle. It would be nice to fly around all day.

What are your names?
Elly (left) and Mara (right). We’re sisters.

What do you do Elly?
I’m a hotel receptionist.

And Mara?
I work in a clothes shop and a taco shop. I get free clothes and free tacos.

Do you love animals Mara?
I love animals.

What’s your favourite horror movie Elly?
28 Weeks Later. It’s the zombie one and there’s blood everywhere. It’s very thrilling but you know it’s not going to happen.

So blood everywhere is a good thing?
Not in relation to meat, no.

If you guys were stuck on a desert island, who would eat the other one?
Mara: Considering our fights and how I always win I would eat you to shit. Even though you’d probably rather eat me, I’ve got that big juicy booty. It would be like a last resort though. We would eat all the coconuts first and we’d full on spear fish but then, yeah, if we ran out… soz.

What’s your name?
Hugh.

What do you do?
Oh me? I’m a fitter and turner by trade.

What exactly is fitting and turning?
Oh, I make parts for motorbikes and cars.

Do you like monster trucks?
Yes! I like the way they smash into things and the way that something so big can get so much air.

Have you ever killed an animal?
No.

Have you ever killed a person?
No, but I once accidently ran over my brother. I was in the driveway and rather than putting the car in reverse I put it in drive and ran him over. He was alright though.

What’s your name?
Jessica.

What do you do Jessica?
I just graduated from my Masters in Architecture.

What is good architecture?
Sensibility. How proportion is used in a structure to communicate an idea.

Can you spot a vegetarian in a crowd?
No. Can you?

I’ve had some success. Do vegetarians look pale and tired?
No, not if they eat properly.

Are you afraid of death?
What? That’s got nothing to do with vegetarianism!

Just answer the question.
Ok, no. I mean some days yes. Like the week before my final presentation and I hadn’t had enough sleep, I nearly had a bike accident and I was then. I just wasn’t paying enough attention.

So who were the vegetarians? Those numbers are 1, 4 and 7 – Latifa, Chris and Hugh. Here’s what they said:

Latifa: I’m a vegetarian for many reasons. The main ones are for animal cruelty but also for health and environmental reasons.

Chris: I feel that if I can get by without eating animal flesh, the sum total of suffering in the world is thereby decreased.

Hugh: Meat has way too many hormones and antibiotics. I used to eat a lot of it and it’s not good for you.

Follow Julian on Twitter: @MorgansJulian

For more vegetarian issues:

Whose Farts Smell Worse? 

My Family's War With Animal Activists

What's Wrong With Eating Horse?