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"We received a report of inappropriate sexual behavior on the 9:20PM London Liverpool Street to Clacton-on-Sea train, on Sunday, June 7," Sergeant Alan King said. "The behavior allegedly started at Liverpool Street and continued until the train arrived at Chelmsford." The British Transport Police have confirmed that the lusty fugitives have given themselves up.Doing that in front of children is kind of the most monstrous thing ever, and doing it for half-hour straight on a train—a train that jolts around, a train that shudders, I mean who puts their mouth on another person's genitals while traveling on such an uneven surface—is just bizarre.Why would you do such a thing? Why would you force parents to move horrified children away to another carriage so you can indulge in half an hour of hand and mouth stuff on a moving train to Chelmsford? Perhaps the couple believed they were performing the most iconic romantic act of modern times. Perhaps they think of themselves as this generation's "Darcy getting out of a lake." Perhaps this couple, appearing to grimly climax together on the slowly dampening seat of a Greater Anglia train, thought they were our "that bloke off of Love Actually doing the flashcard romantic gesture at Keira Knightley."