Photo by Gabriella MarksNewspapers and pro athletes who get busted and then cry shame and say they hate steroids are LIARS.Steroids rule. Why? I’ll tell you fucking why: 1) You only need to sleep three hours a night 2) Get the combination right and you can fuck 10 times a night (seriously). Right now there’s a new gym monkey cocktail of Viagra and the steroid deca-durobolin which’ll make your dingle lift weights. 3) Your thoughts become like laserbeams 4) You feel largely indestructible and your sense of well-being increases to pathologically high levels. 5) Recuperative time for just about ANYTHING? About five minutes.So go to Mexico, Italy, Southern France, Spain, where for a few dollars more you can bribe pharmacies and get your hands on anything injectible (curiously enough for very complicated reasons the ones you inject are healthier than the pills).Just take $200 with you and prepare to smuggle the. You usually get them in a glass vial which fit nicely into a pack of cigarettes.If you’re a coward, buy them online but be prepared to be ripped off and purchase dodgy quality. Usually $200 of “juice” will last you for 12 weeks of rollercoaster fun. Cautions: 1) If you’re a woman you’ll have 12 weeks of freaky sex crazed fun. And then you’ll wake up and discover you’re a man. Complete with a micro-cock that used to be your clitoris. This is now forever. 2) If you’re a man your balls will shrink. But they come back in about 30 days. I promise. 3) Beware of approximately 2 weeks of crushing depressions after cessation of use. Note: I didn’t mention weightlifting at all. Like Hamburger Helper, steroids are just FINE, without the hamburger.[See more photos here.
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