I bloody knew it all along: my old teacher is the devil

I always knew Miss Reed, my year-5 form mistress was a devil-bitch, and now look at her.

One time I was running through the playground while it was raining, I slipped and skidded through the puddles, grating the skin from my legs as I went. The devil-bitch pulled me up onto a chair and called every other kid in the playground to gather and gawp at what a bloody, crippled, tearful horror I had become thanks to running in the rain. I knew that was too cruel a thing for any human to delight in. At least I have proof of her eternal evil (look above, if your retinas can handle the horror), now that she’s squeezed out of her barely believable non-bestial form and has revealed her Satanic trotters. I always thought school had been harder for me than anyone else, but it’s nice to know that I wasn't just paranoid, I was actually being persecuted by the Morning Star. Why do bad things happen to such great people? And can a priest please cut her head off before she starts rounding up innocents and herding them to hell? I can get her details – message me and save the world.