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This Patriot Allegedly Stole an Entire Beer Truck in Most American Heist Ever

Sadly, his epic beer run was short-lived.

by River Donaghey
Apr 20 2018, 6:01pm

Image (L) via Santa Rosa Police Department. Image (R) via screenshot.

A Bay Area man in nothing but a pair of patriotic shorts led police on a wild chase through Northern California this week after he allegedly stole a Coors beer truck and attempted basically the most American heist ever, SFGate reports.

According to the police report, 46-year-old Matt Hermsmeyer saw his opening Thursday morning when a Coors delivery driver left his truck to run into a Santa Rosa liquor store and drop off some booze. Apparently, realizing that this could be the beer run to end all beer runs, cops say Hermsmeyer hopped into the truck's cab and sped away.

Image via Santa Rosa Police Department

A customer ran into the store to tip off the delivery guy to the fact that, uh, a 40-something dude with no shirt and a pair of American flag shorts just stole his entire truck, and the driver called the police. But Hermsmeyer was allegedly already gone, bare-chested and free, his broad stripes and bright stars splashed across the driver's seat.

But the glorious Coors heist was short-lived. Unfortunately, the stolen beer truck had GPS, so it wasn't exactly hard for the California cops to get a bead on its position. Soon, a few cops and a police helicopter were on the truck's tail, and, like so many seemingly-foolproof heists of the past, the whole scheme came crashing down.

With the heat on, Hermsmeyer allegedly ditched the Coors truck and his entire beer haul, and fled on foot, darting across Highway 101 in his USA trunks and dodging traffic like some kind of patriotic Frogger. He eventually ducked behind a bush, ostensibly hoping to hide until the heat died down.

Alas, the scraggly limbs of the bush were not enough to hide the majestic colors of Old Glory, and the police spotted Hermsmeyer's red, white, and blue shorts and apprehended him. He was taken into custody and booked into Sonoma County jail, where he now faces charges for stealing a vehicle and resisting arrest. Maybe the next time he spots a beer truck with the keys in the ignition he'll think twice about trying to manifest his beer-related destiny again.

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