Vikings Introduce New Gen Z Consultant, Which is a Thing, Apparently

As an 18-year-old, I always wanted to play with Wario, too.

|
Sep 13 2017, 4:15pm

Brace Hemmelgarn-USA TODAY Sports 

On the same day that a bunch of ex-Googlers announced that they were DISRUPTING the bodega marketplace by inventing a fucking vending machine, the Minnesota Vikings have "engaged" a "Gen Z Advisor." Are you kids ready for an exciting array of "fan activation efforts"? Well then hang on to your butts, because you're gonna get the shit outta some fan activation efforts!

Alright so, one thing—I don't know what, like, 89 percent of the words are in this press release. So in that respect, it is very much like most press releases you will read. What makes it different than most is that it is a football team, with a one-year-old, $1 million stadium it bilked half of from the public, engaging a teenager to drum up some more fan interest (hmm, maybe those new stadiums aren't such a necessity for teams after all??) in a team that just won big against the Saints and former star running back Adrian Peterson. Also, "through the lens of the Gen Z population."

Businesses (which is what NFL teams are) always try this shit. How do we get people to notice us? How do we reach the youth? For whatever reason—laziness, greed, a complete lack of any kind of imagination—the questions always seemed to get answered by saying let's just get someone in here to tell us what to do. Then let's announce that we are hiring someone to tell us what to do.

Which, that's fine. Maybe you need help fine-tuning your message, and it's always good to a have a diverse set of voices, God knows that I'd rather have 19-year-olds running the NFL than the old stodgy guys who run it now, but there is literally one thing any kind of consumer cares about: the product. Just give me a good fucking product. If I'm a Vikings fan, don't give me a fully interactive virtual gameday experience or whatever other jargon you come up with. Give me a gameday experience that leads to a deep playoff run. Then maybe I'll share some snaps.

Stories