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The U.S. Government Made Fireworks Explosion Porn Just For You

Before setting off fireworks, please use your melon.

by Emma Fidel
Jul 3 2019, 2:31pm

The U.S. government has a message for you this Fourth of July: Don’t be a dummy.

That is, don’t be like one of the dummies that the government blows up on the National Mall each summer to teach Americans about the hazards of using fireworks. Keep your head on straight, please.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission — a small agency responsible for regulating things like toaster ovens, strollers, and fireworks — hosts the safety demonstration. Using mannequins and watermelons as visual aids, the agency reminds viewers not to let little kids play with sparklers, not to light fireworks indoors, and definitely not to shoot fireworks tubes off of your head.

It might sound like painfully obvious advice for the government to dole out, but people die from fireworks accidents each year, and thousands get injured. Last year, 9,100 fireworks-related injuries sent people to the ER, and at least five people died, according to the CPSC.

Still, the agency is trying not to be too much of a downer about America’s birthday. In the last few years, it’s adopted meme culture to make its safety warnings resonate on social media. As watermelons exploded into a gazillion pieces last week, CPSC’s social media specialist Joseph Galbo live-tweeted the demonstration with his signature whimsy.

“I shared this picture I'm calling ‘Peaceful Watermelon,’ where it's just the watermelon sitting on top of this podium, just with no idea what's gonna happen to it,” Galbo said. “It's really tragic, in a way. And the follow-up later will be mildly traumatizing to folks, but that's what this is all about.”

As you’re celebrating this week, dear reader, please use your melon.

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VICE News
Fourth of July
Fireworks
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US Consumer Product Safety Commission
safety demonstration
fireworks accidents